There are many ideas that come to mind, even as I write now. I can’t help but think how each of us has been filled with some sense of uncertainty. Regardless of whether we have been directly affected by what’s going on in the world around us, we have all been affected whether we want to admit it or not. The thing about uncertainty is that life has always been uncertain. I just didn’t acknowledge the idea until it stood standing there mocking me, everyone really.
I took the last two years and turned a blind eye to many ideas making the excuse that I was doing important work, and that I was making a big paycheck. Not only did I not consider or embrace uncertainty I also stopped pushing myself. I was able to tune out and run with life again pretending that I was somewhere in life or something more than I was, but in reality, I returned to a place where I was the same as when I left, not to mention back to the middle of nowhere. Rather than returning to the beginning, I guess I could say I put myself further behind. In context, I got to do things I might never get to do again, and I got to experience things that people never experience in a lifetime. Those memories’ ideas and thoughts will carry in hard times and inspire me.
What does uncertainty look like? To begin, uncertainty has the look of waiting around for life happen with no guarantee all the while more and more time passes by. Nothing in life is a given when you want something you have to put your entire mind body and soul into things and go forward. Certainty looks like confidence that regardless of what’s going on there is always an answer and always something that can be done. There is no running and no turning, there is no worry only the dream and making of that dream. No one can tear me down and no one can take anything from me in the reality of that dream.
I use to fear what people might think of me, how I might look, I guess you could call it the Gatsby Syndrom. That I had to be something or rise to some sort of occasion to be accepted, to be loved. When in reality all I ever had to do was be my self and do my best. That comes with knowing myself.