At the last minute of trying to move on in our direction, everything came apart, leaving each one scrambling to put things back together before we went down this discourse, now a dark chapter. Had some of the circumstances I found myself in been slightly better, I wouldn't be canceling my contract as I am, but I am moving on. When I decided to move on, I didn't have a lot of options, nor did I have a lot of opportunities. Everything was moving just that fast, and to make matters worse, I was up against a deadline of September 2nd, the day my Japan officially kicked off.
Negotiations are underway to get me out of my contract, and everything has been put back together to take advantage of the opportunity on the horizon. I would be lying if I didn't say I didn't lose a lot of respect for some of the players involved in the game; their self-centered, egotistical behavior left me in a state of having to react. I can see clearly that they were and are still out for only themselves. This time, I have no one to talk to about it because by choosing to remain with them, I only have myself to blame. I can't fault people for not understanding my logic, even though I am questioning it and starting to question my plans altogether. There is something to be said about everything: I have not given up and am channeling my goals and ambitions into everything I know and wish to do and become.
I had to start thinking outside the box, and great ideas came. With that, there are truly infinite possibilities. I will take advantage of what is free and available to me. Our public library was just that ticket and the recipe to spell success. I tried to reinvent my space to accommodate everything by using this free space, but this space will also help me prepare for Japan and my goal of covering and recording. This was the win I needed, considering everything going on. I remembered the room where I could spend all day and write, but I had forgotten about the recording room and all its possibilities and offers.
Over several years, I found myself confined to my bedroom, and at one time, I had my couch and every piece of furniture in there. What made it even crazier was that I could still enjoy myself; although cramped, it had its unique feeling. Now, I can make it a regular space that accommodates sitting and working as I so peacefully wished to. Rediscovering this space meant that I also had all of its resources and able to me, books, knowledge, and technology.
As for letting everything go and sighing a deep sigh of relief, I told myself that contracts get broken constantly, and life continues. We don't need to wrap ourselves around the axle like we do because doing so only causes us frustration, anger, hurt, and anxiety. I think of the song Edith Piaf's Je ne Regretted Rien: "No, I have no regrets, no, I will have no regrets." Instead, I will live my best life.
I put into the universe that today I would hear and begin to have resolutions to the "Dark Times," and resolutions I did. For example, in 2018, when I projected my ideas and thoughts to the universe, God, the higher power, I was heard, and I was delivered just as I had asked. I asked for a phone call with a resolution so that I could confidently go forward with my life. After the first step of this journey, I asked for the next part. There were already events in play for the day that followed for me to be well on my way to putting this whole ordeal behind me. Once everything was in place, I intended to move forward with the following big plans.
I didn't walk away from this without any experiences or lessons; I had some of the most important ones parted from me. The biggest was that it would be nice the next time I moved into something, and there would be no shortcuts or hurrying. You could say pressured into making a decision. The ability to have something nice, not smelly, and the ability to function was an incredible idea that I was unwilling to sacrifice. There was something to be said about being able to throw money at something new and live in a state where your life can begin, not where you have to start by cleaning, fixing, and replacing.
My best life begins with using art as the blueprint to create the most amazing and wonderful life, which starts with my trip to Japan.