Just a magical day of happenings

When you start to take action and work hard your dreams become noticeable more real. I was suppose to go to Japan in March though through the first week of April, but that was interrupted by the Covid-19 pandemic of 2020. Disheartened that I woudln’t be returning. To be honest I was worried that I would barely be getting, turning things over to collections, and entering into a dark time. Then I was informed that there was an epic wave of work that surfed would take me well into the next chapter of my life. I was most in.

As I thought about my dreams and how I was going to get to Japan to live I developed a plan. I would surf the wave as long as possible and keep with work for as long as it lasted even if it took me up until I go to Japan. The next phase is to acquire several things to add to my material wealth but designed to aid me in moving forward with my plans and dreams. The goal is to build an online social presence via YouTube depicting my journies, thoughts, and projects, along with featuring other artists of all sorts of various aspects from underground to the main stream. One thing that I would like to focus on is my study of the Japanese language, and how I figured out how to speak it fluently.

I intend to take the things I intend to acquire also be used to make movies and short films along with using them to work through, as all my schooling will be online this go around. Schooling is to happen in the beginning of the new year 2021. The goal of everything is to combine in 2.5 I jump off into the next book of my life. That book is to look a lot like this. I will be living in Japan namely Tokyo or Kyoto and loving every moment of it. I will have several short films and a dedicated blog and vlog following.

Today I booked my 2020 trip for my birthday. My 2019 birthday was amazing and beyond my wildest imagination. I went to Turkey to see my artist friend for my birthday to experience a day in the life and to walk in her shoes. This year I intend to celebrate the magic in Kyoto, Japan. I can’t wait to walk down the shopping district and see the crazy cute otters.

Along with my trip rebooked and planned out I am excited to add a few new stops to the list. Osaka will be a major stop along with Nara and the surrounding area. At this time lot of things are coming together in profound ways enough to say yes to even more life and more aspect of life.

Traveling back to my beloved country of Japan, exploring a different aspect of life, and entertaining the idea of a relationship. I never thought I would say that, a relationship, but life is too short not to say yes.

Akagi Sunrise. Finding my sunrise.

I saw a meme on my face book today that made me really take things in and think about life and my path I have taken up. The meme reads, “you’re scared to take a 4 year course because your’re 32 and by the time you’re done, you'd be 36. Wheather you take the courses or not, in 4 years time you’d still be 36” I just turned 37 and i intend to do just that, go back to school, but like I mentioned in a blog earlier I also intend on learning Japanese.

If I looked at the first part of my life a lot of time was spent on figuring life out. I went to college and attempted university several times before settling into the restaurant life where I eventually lost a good chunk of time and effort. The second part of my life would be one of those times that I could describe as being” a golden period. This Golden Age was and is currently my time spent in the oil field. Because of my job I have been afforded the opportunity to travel the world and much of the United States. Japan, L.A. and Turkey were some of my major highlights of having a good and amazing time.

The title to this blog is Akagi Sunrise as it is appropriately titled that as I am embarking on new journeys and opportunists. I was at first going to leave my job and go back to school in August up until a wave of work happened that is providing me the opportunity to move forward some of the original plans along with getting myself out of debt. Instead of August the launch date is now December with the ambition of launching in th new year 2021. With such change I am again frightful of the uncertanity and what is to come. As a way of delaing with this stress and anzity I tell my self I can just stay with my current job, but I know this isn’t that answer.

The oil field hit rock bottom not long ago reaching in the negative numbers rocking everyone involved. Not to mention the pandemic going on everyone has been in a state of flux, I believe that this is the last major go at making it big. At some point, I will be able to look back and see where the high water mark was before it fades away. That is why I am and continuing to make plans to set sail to new waters rather than wait by the shore waiting for that wave that may never come. The other thing I tell myself is that my body just can’t take it anymore. I hurt already and am thankful every time I get up and amble to move.

This hitch will be one of my last if not my last before I head out into the unknown and make my own certainty. The plan is to finish school and have my student loan paid off so I don’t have that hanging over my head. That I can speak Japenese fluently and pass the language test that Japan requires. Considering the Japan dream is to also go forward with my YouTube channel so that I might make myself and various ideas to a much larger market chiefly and namely Japan and Japanese business. If anything I intend to make my dream a reality and let me carry it.

Now each day I ask myself how can I best position myself so that I might move ahead. When I watch the sunset I think to myself the people of Japan are watching its rise and when it rises here I think it just came from Japan. I look forward to the future and everything it holds as I will keep on keeping on and doing my best. May I find my sunrise and may I never let it set.

Overcoming Uncertainty

There are many ideas that come to mind, even as I write now. I can’t help but think how each of us has been filled with some sense of uncertainty. Regardless of whether we have been directly affected by what’s going on in the world around us, we have all been affected whether we want to admit it or not. The thing about uncertainty is that life has always been uncertain. I just didn’t acknowledge the idea until it stood standing there mocking me, everyone really.

I took the last two years and turned a blind eye to many ideas making the excuse that I was doing important work, and that I was making a big paycheck. Not only did I not consider or embrace uncertainty I also stopped pushing myself. I was able to tune out and run with life again pretending that I was somewhere in life or something more than I was, but in reality, I returned to a place where I was the same as when I left, not to mention back to the middle of nowhere. Rather than returning to the beginning, I guess I could say I put myself further behind. In context, I got to do things I might never get to do again, and I got to experience things that people never experience in a lifetime. Those memories’ ideas and thoughts will carry in hard times and inspire me.

What does uncertainty look like? To begin, uncertainty has the look of waiting around for life happen with no guarantee all the while more and more time passes by. Nothing in life is a given when you want something you have to put your entire mind body and soul into things and go forward. Certainty looks like confidence that regardless of what’s going on there is always an answer and always something that can be done. There is no running and no turning, there is no worry only the dream and making of that dream. No one can tear me down and no one can take anything from me in the reality of that dream.

I use to fear what people might think of me, how I might look, I guess you could call it the Gatsby Syndrom. That I had to be something or rise to some sort of occasion to be accepted, to be loved. When in reality all I ever had to do was be my self and do my best. That comes with knowing myself.

A concept of home.

With recent events leading us to be left at home more and more often we have all been afforded the time for introspective thinking. My thoughts this time around have left me thinking about the concept known as home.

I use to think of home as being some actually place, maybe a place where I grew up. However, when my thoughts turn to those places I don’t feel that they come anywhere near the idea of home. I remember the old saying home is where the heart is. When I think of that simple idea I ask myself where is my heart, and when I find it there what odes it mean for me to say, “home is where the heart is.”

Yes, there is a place I can say I know where my heart is. One an actual place so to speak but both place and the idea of home exist purely in an idealistic form.

This place I speak of I consider home because when I was there I felt freer than I ever had before. I had never felt so free, no judgment, no expectation nor have I ever felt so accepted and so loved. I was genuine and sincere when I was there and that was reciprocated back to me. I could be the main charter to my own story or a background charter to another play being performed on the stage of life.

The other place I consider home is in the hearts and minds of those who are genuine and of those close I hold close enough to share my life with, as that’s the only place I can ever exist. A place where you are acknowledged and accepted, loved, known and not judged.

Now that I think about it, home is a space where the voiceless can construct an identity where people can also grow to accept and love themselves. They can be loved. To love a friend, to love a person to love a place is knowing happiness they bring in you. I think that many of us have an idea of that place “home” that we often lose ourselves chasing. Over time I think we lose the idea and begin chasing the idea of being home, further losing ourselves to the idea.

Home though is another place, a place that we construct within ourselves. We fool ourselves into think that, home is a place, a person that we can find happiness in but ultimately the heart and mind we must find happiness in most of all is ourselves. A space that it is our own, a space that is our of our own doing and of our own construct. Often we allow that space to succumb to the forces in and around us that we build an idea that isn’t really our own, and we never really find happiness chasing something that isn’t even ours to begin with.

I know that I too have a romantic idea of what home is and what home could be but that is evolving, as I learn to love the home within myself.

Tear Drops in the snow

The rain came down at a constant rate beating against my picture window as I read my book in the late afternoon. While sipping hot tea flaked out on the couch that was poised under the picture window atop the shag carpet I took a moment to listen to its melodic sound. The sky was seemingly filled with sadness and despair as the rain fell, but to me, the sky brought out the true beauty in the world showing off the true hues. The rain washed away the imperfections that had been left on it by the winds and time its self. I saw something most didn’t a beautiful sky that was just misunderstood. Rainstorms have always been one of my favorite types of weather, ever since I was a kid. I would spend hours looking out a picture window similar to mine only the view outlooked the river and vast fields of wilderness. I would daydream the day away just sitting there watching, listening. Listening to the beautiful balled, watching the drops streak across my window everything was perfect, even if just for that moment.

The temperature was beginning to fall, and even I got cold, but that did not keep me from the window. I went and got my favorite hoodie on to keep warm as to finish my book that was nearing its end, “spring and all” by William Carol William. By the time I finished the hour was late, and as I looked outside large pools of water had begun to start freezing over. I put my book down and laid back down and let my mind wander. Only a short time later my slumbers were interrupted when the front door opened.

Watching her walk in soaked to the bone, her hair dripping, and cloths drenched she was shivering as she fumbled with getting the keys out of the door. She didn’t say a word as she made her way to the bed room dripping all along the way across the hard wood floors. A few minuets later she emerged from the bedroom dressed in one of my college hoodies and a pair of leggings along with mismatched stripped socks. As she came closer the smile was clearly evident on both our faces as she sat down on my lap and in my arms. We kissed and caught up, but the weight of the day, and the rain took it’s toll on us leaving us to drift of to slumber land.

We woke up some time later to a dark pink sky. The rain had finally stopped and turned to snow. Falling with great genteelness each snow flak stacked gently upon one another covering everthing it touched with a white blanket. Wiping the slumber from our eyes I got up and an went to the kitchen to make us both a cup of tea to keep the cold at bay. While the water was warming I started a fire to warm the room that had no grown rather cold.

With a roaring fire going and a hot cup of tea, the room was also filled with music. The open chords filled the quite room as record player began to play Abbey Road. We enjoyed our hot tea as we have sat there listening to music enjoying the moment. I took up my sketch paid and pencil and began sketching the most amazing girl in the world. There was no need in telling a story as a story was already unfolding before me. I couldn’t be happier that in one room I could have the world and so much more. The more time passed the more time seemed to stay still. We had no where to be and nowhere we would rather be. As I continued to draw she wrote in her journal.

The music added to the ambience greatly. Some of the simpler songs came across as so much more in a time when nothing need to be said. The song “I want you, she’s so heavy” came on with it’s surreal heavy sound, hitting me with the full weight of the album and the moment. Finally the song came to an end, only to give way to George Harrison’s song “Here comes the sun.” Closing my eyes for a moment taking a break from my piece of art work. I knew I already had all the sunshine in my life. Nothing in the world made me happier then waking up each morning next to my sunshine. With the albums iconic ending we both decided to go to bed spite it being the early morning hours.

As we turned out the lights and turned down the fire we moved into the bedroom and climbed in and under the covers of our bed. At this moment we didn’t need to say anything as we already knew what the other was thinking. Laying there I pulled her close and held her in my arms. Gazing into one another eyes. I played with her hair and gently caressed her face and in no time she was fast asleep. To me this was poetry without words lived and known only in ones heart, felt and had in the briefest of moments.

The late morning hours were upon us before we were already awaking. Waking first I saw her open her eyes along with a grin grow across her face as she lend over and gave me a kiss. The longer we looked into each others eyes the more the more there was to see and know. Throwing the covers back we took our shower and began the day. Fresh and ready to start the day got ready to make the short walk down to our favorite cafe.

Dressed in my pea coat and warm dress cloths, french cuffs, vest with my wool tie, along my gopher britches. Dressed in a wool skirt, with warm leggings she was also wearing a similar jacket, with a cute little hat letting her hair fall out. Setting out into the cold winter day without a care in the world we were off to brunch pastries and coffee and tea. Cafe Stalingrad was the cafe that we first meet one another and now it’s a place that we went to share that moment over and over.

The trees had been frosted and the ever greens were covered in a think blanket of snow leaving behind and untouched winter wonderland. Ones breath loomed in the air long after the breath had been taken. The world was silent with the sound absorbing the sounds of the world gave the feeling that the world was ours and ours alone.

In the lifeless arctic world a moment of time elapsed where the snow stopped and the sun broke through the gray sky. Not to melt the snow away, but just brighten everything. Time in that instant stopped, the trees shined as if they were painted in a white silver. Without warning my world came to a stop when I turned to find the love of my life standing there crying. The tears could be seen running down her cheeks shinning in the light, some had already frozen before ever hitting the ground. I grabbed her by the hands and before I could say anything she poured her heart out to me in three words. “I love you”

I put my hands around her and said, I know that. I have always know that you have been so amazing and good to me. Everyday with you is a gift one that I cherish. Each day I get to live out my greatest dream of being happy.

As I said this she buried her face into my chest grabbing hold of me tightly crying. Not tears of sorry but tears of joy. In her heart she knew that everything she believed to be true, was true. She asked, where do we go from here. I told her to look behind her, and as she did I told her that the foot prints are where we have been, before us there are no foot prints. May we go where ever we want as long as you are by my side I don’t care where we end up.

Life and the play we are are staging.

I have used the metaphor to describe my life as being a book and that this stage in my life is but only a chapter to a much longer novel to a series of books. In reality, I journal all the time. Often I will finish one journal and start another and other times I will simply start a new one because I wished to start a new chapter in my life. I believe the narrative that best describes life is two interwoven ideas that become one and the same. There is a specific ballad when it comes to thinking about life in the same way I do as life being a journal. That balled is Chopan’s Ballad 1 opus 23 in G minor. The balled, much like a story with its beginning middle, climax end. The ballad’s intro comes back several times in different keys not to mention that at various times the key signature changes as it transitions through the various movements of the pieces. How often our life come back to us to inspire or hold us back? How often does our life speed up or slow down? There are parts in the song where the adagio pulls at our heartstrings just like life playing out in its meaningful moments with a slight dramatic change that would go unnoticed but stands at center stage in our world. Life plays out on this grand stage we call reality, and in it, we perform our greatest piece. Each day an actor to our own play that is penned as we live it. We forget that our lives are not one action Like the music we must flow into the next movement of what awaits us. When the last note is played and the curtain falls we are left without the ballad and any more acts, what then will be said of our life then. Will the play and the ballad that came to mean so much be preserved and remembered. Will people wish to hear it’s the melodic tune, and will people wish to carry the story on by preforming it on their own stages far and wide. The stage remains ready and the keys lay waiting.

Have you ever gone into a museume and wondered if what I look upon is in act the original piece of art or some imitation, some fake? Is all the museums theatrics there just to convince me that this is the original, that this is the monet I have heard so much of? I do all the time. In life today with everything going on it’s hard to tell what is true and what is fake. Anyone who remembers not long ago will remeber the debouchla of fake news and sponsored media. Recently life seems to have become an Orwellian nightmare where we are feed a scruot of fer, doubt as if it’s been scripted to further someones agenda. I call this the Goebboles paradox.

In these chatoic times I know as an artist that photos, and film can be edited, staged and scripted. I know that hired actors can act out a narrative. In these times of uncertainty I am reminded of what I know to be true. To me there is nothing more truth then the quotes that echo from history from the iconic revolutionary, Che Guevara.

The true revolutionary is guided by a great feeling of love. It is impossible to think of a genuine revolutionary lacking this quality. Che

In this time I focus on the things I know to be true and real. I know I want to live and I want to love. I want to go one dreaming and making art. More then anything I want to go on sharing these qualities to share in the magic of life as to run with a passion and sincarity never felt or know before. These uncertain times have left me to look inward to take the time to know thyself. In the before time so many of us took our life and time for granted, thinking there would always be a tomorrow, that we could we could put off today for tomorrow. Now I want to put myself out there and not just acknowledge live to live it like I have never know before. I do, I live by my two mottos. Believe in me and my dreams and tell me yours so that I might do the same for you. And, “Artists of the world unite.” As artists may we combine to create an idea that is bigger than anyone individual that allows us all to take something from it and grow, to be inspired and to know we are all more alike then we are different.

At the end of the Movie “Ghost in the Shell” Major wakes in a new shell, that of a child. We learn that it’s the only one that Batou could find on the black Market. Many people will agree that this is the rebirth, as Major put’s it “I am now neither the women known as major nor am I the program know as puppet master.” The movie closes as she asks out loud, where does the new born go from here. The net is vast and infinite.

When we take on a new way of thinking and a new way of being, where then do we begin and what do we start.

The opportunity to meditate on life’s lessons

Lately, I have been afforded more time then I have in a very, very long time. Or at least time to reflect on myself and my place in life, and I have to admit it’s been amazing. I have opined many wonderful thoughts and ideas along with discovering a new sense of being. I can think of one other time where I was afforded this much time for thought and growth but squandered it away as my mind was focused and centered on whimsical ideas about life and relationships.

The fact that we get so caught up in life in what people think of us or where we should be let alone how we constantly judge us for the mistakes that we have made. When I think back of how hard I tried to fit in with the in-crowd or be apart of someone’s life who didn’t have time for me let alone themselves I think how much idle time I wasted. I would be lying if I said I didn’t have regrets because the truth is I do, and there are times I sit and reflect upon them. I think back when I should have really buckled down and doubled down on myself but instead, I left to join in, the moment and the happenings with the people of the times.

The thing that makes me reflect upon those moments most is that while I keep with the moment I would later watch others go on and accomplish things I envied and wish that I would have done. As I looked around me I found a bunch of people around me who didn’t do anything or be apart of anything. No, illustrating my wows, is not an attempt at gaining sympathy, but one should know from where they are starting from in order to know the direction in which they are going in. If you don’t know where you’re going then your simply sailing a ship with full sails out into the middle of nowhere, to go nowhere.

Yes with each graduating class I measured myself against them. That reality really hit home when some of the people I looked up to most put their heart and soul into things and now their life reflects their reality, they are in fact their art and craft. As much as I judged myself I began to look around me and with the company I keep I justified my situation. I continued to disillusion myself with the idea that I was doing something, I was going somewhere because I was traveling the world and making art. In the end, I was returning back to the middle of nowhere, and I truly mean the middle of nowhere.

The middle of nowhere was a place that was just that, that middle of nowhere. A place where you lost yourself and lost yourself to the vices of mankind. If you were already lost it was even easier to lose yourself in nowhere. Again I also think back to the ideas that I laid forth earlier in other posts, the excuses I had made.

Then everything changed as my thoughts started to go through my new philosophy and a new way of thinking. I reminded myself of the things and ideas that are most important to me and put everything into perspective. Almost like dropping emotional baggage, I simply dropped everything and realized that my new life was happening around me, and it was now up to me to step up and accept that reality and run with it. In a moment of peace and happiness the George Harrison song “Within you, without you.” Within that one song is a lot of enlightenment and almost came to me as a message as if to say, you got this, you can change things, and you can still be everything you hope to be and so much more.

“We were talking, about the space between us all
And the people, who hide themselves behind a wall of illusion
Never glimpse the truth, then it's far too late when they pass away We were talking, about the love we all could share
When we find it, to try our best to hold it there, with our love
With our love we could save the world, if they only knewTry to realize it's all within yourself, no-one else can make you change
And to see you're really only very small
And life flows on within you and without you, We were talking, about the love that's gone so cold
And the people who gain the world and lose their soul
They don't know, they can't see, are you one of them? When you've seen beyond yourself
Then you may find peace of mind is waiting there
And the time will come when you see we're all one
And life flows on within you and without you”

George Harrison

Few people realize that life flows on with you and with out you. That the old saying is true, life is what happens to you while your busy making other plans. In the moment we lose sight of our lives and forget that while we are the main star to our own story that we are still just a background charter to other stories. We can live a life without ever living a life, and that changing our life is really up to us. As I take in the lyrics and surreal sound to the music I look around as if I can see my life manifesting; I just had to open my eyes and see the world though a new lenses, a new perspective.

When I fell I knew that I would be back on top of the world better then ever, ready to take on the world and set sail for a new voyage. March 4th came the good news that I would be setting sail, the extract day I had put into the universe. Though this manifestation would not have been possible had it not been for the people who also believed in me. Now that I see the foundation of my dreams become reality I move forward with great ambition and caution as to not make the same mistakes that I once did.

When we fall we get back up and keep moving forward.

I started off 2020 by outlining a list of goals and ambitions nothing short of impossible and amazing. From the very beginning, I wanted the new year and the new decade to be the best one yet. The year was off to a great start as I started tackling my list with great earnest. Then seemingly overnight everything changed, like falling off a bicycle and scraping my knees, elbows and taking quite a tumble everything had changed by my own doing.

I was in a quandary of what to do at first, but I knew I just couldn’t sit there and wallow in the pain and suffering that I was experiencing. No, I had to pick myself up and make the best of the situation. At first, I wanted to apologize to everyone around me that I had disappointed them, that I had let them down in some form or manner. In truth, there wasn’t anyone around to apologize to, I was and had been all alone. Then out of now where I felt it. The one I should be apologizing to was me. What I remember telling myself was, “I’m sorry I didn’t do better for us. I’m sorry I allowed things to get this out of hand, and I’m sorry that I wasn’t there for you like I should have been. I could have and should have done better and this is what you have to thank me for. I promise that I won’t let it happen again.” Strangely enough, it was a comforting feeling even if it was coming from me. As I picked myself up I knew that I would have much time ahead of me to reflect on this moment and many moments in the days ahead.

There was no reason to continue to berate me over the past, it was after all the past but warranted a few final thoughts and words. My past along with various people in it was a sore subject that often left a bad taste in my mouth. I knew that my life took several tangents because of people and events that took place. Then, that time long ago the only thing I could do was move through the events and time best I could while trying to keep my mind together. In the more recent past, I became the person I needed to be to comfort the person I once was. I forgave many not for their but so that I might move on and not let the emotional baggage of the past weigh me down. The past was apart of me, something that tinted reality in its own distortion of a gray and bizarre haze. Like the ideas and themes and tropes of reading an impactful book many of the themes, ideas and tropes of the past stayed with me regardless of whether I knew it or not, or acknowledged it.

I might have gone on living my life seemingly living in a loop painted in those same undertones if I had not fallen so hard. I would have gone on making excuses thinking that I am getting ahead, making progress and doing something all because of a paycheck, or because I was traveling the world, seemingly doing things others hadn’t. Worse than making excuses was wanting the best in life, and not even giving myself the best I deserved. But like I mentioned before all this changed and came into perspective with that fall.

I had time now to put things like my past and my current situation into perspective. I had time to think and dwell and go in search of answers to questions that had been plaguing me. For all tense and purposes my life just stopped and at that moment my life began. One of the first things that came to mind was the movie The Darjeeling Limited and the unique ways in which the three brothers expressed themselves. My favorite part of the movie is that when the brothers finally found their mother they wanted to all share and express themselves. Instead, they took the time to sit there and project it to one another by simply thinking of the things the wished to say. Together they all shared in that moment of sharing. The last scene is each of them finding what they needed within themselves and as they chased after their departing train they no longer heald on to the metaphorical baggage that they had sought so hard to find in the movie that took on the physical share pf real baggage.

Growing up in I knew a great deal of uncertainty and so I held onto various ideas growing up. Ideas along with other ideas that keep me from growing, and keep me from experiencing life. When I laid down my plans, my hopes, my dreams and ambitions for the new year and decade ahead of me I spoke to the universe and told it exactly what I wanted. Almost as if I had gone out there and placed the obstacle in my life that I would later hit. Only picking myself up this time I didn’t pick up everything that I was once carrying and holding onto. The conversation between Major and the Puppet Master keeps playing over and over in my head.

The puppet master wanting to merge his A.I. with Major to form a synthesis of the two left Major wanting some reassurance that she would remain herself. She was reminded that there wasn’t one. That, “ all things change in a dynamic environment, your efforts to remain what you are is what limits you.” How long would I have held onto outdated or obsolete ideas simply to remain what I was before I broke all together I wondered had events not unfolded as they had? From then I had a choice to make, go back to the crash and pick up right where I left up some time ago as if nothing ever happened or abandon it altogether and make for a new life.

I knew that nothing from the past was going to help me in making for a new life and to further my dreams and ambitions. Aside from falling, I had regrets from the past as well, regrets that I take responsibility for, but regrets that always left me wondering about myself, my actions and my path in life. There was a reality that was happening and unfolding and transpiring and I wasn’t apart of the happenings and events. Nor was I seeing the reality I hoped and long for manifest before my eyes. In some ways, I already knew the answers but I know it was more than meet the eye.

Going back to the wreck I knew the answer in how to go backward, but going forward nothing from the past was going to help me move forward and so I had to call upon new ideas that we’re speaking to me. Some of the answers were obvious and others not so much so. What I was calling for was a personal revolution, whatever wasn’t working had to go, whether they were ideas, people, places, or anything that might keep me from reaching that reality. There was a new fire that had been light within me, one of passion and excitement. I was free to paint my future in the awesome and vibrant colors that I knew of.

I knew that in my heart that there were events that didn’t turn out the way I had hoped them to, and there were people in my life that I seemingly didn’t want to say goodbye to, and so I never really did. Now I tell myself the way to rewrite reality is to dream a dream so grand, so magnificent so awe-inspiring that it redefines everything. When I think of looking at life in this manner it’s no wonder I fell as I did. To undertake such movement would require a force greater than me to rearrange the heavens and the universe. This action would mean life as I knew it and had known it would change in dramatic ways as well.

I realized that the way in creating that reality was much how I created my reality in the first place, the events that led up to these moments now, by speaking seeing them into reality with belief and faith. I say this not as some mad man but as a realist. I know that we as humans only see and hear only a fraction of the visual and audible world. That our understanding is so limited by what we believe we and think we can perceive. I know too we can believe ourselves into any state we wish. I know this, or at least for me I know based on the ten ideas of knowing “a truth.” As for faith often we do things in good faith, the willing act of doing something before having received as if we have received.

The spiritual part of the journey is to not try and make sense of the bigger picture nor is it to judge but to find beauty peace and happiness in everything, that I am, that others are and that the world is. And, like all of my trips I have always gone with the moment and what felt right listening to that voice inside of me, arriving exactly where I needed to be at the right time.

When my friend from Asia called me up and was saddened that she wouldn’t be able to see me in March I couldn’t but feel a bit frustrated and upset. That was a fleeting thought and instead, I told myself that the time is irreverent. The ideas I seek to know and be will take time, and that this is not the right moment. That by following a path of greater beliefe and thought abstract of time I will arrive when I need to arrive, here there and everywhere.

Of course, there is the physical aspect of my dreams and plans. To lose weight, of course, I will be continuing with dieting, and exercise with the goal of not only getting down two my optimum weight, but I was inspired to do something else. I was inspired to do yoga, maybe not ever move in the book but I would like to do a few specific moves simply because it would be the crowning achievement in working out and obtaining physical and mental balance.

Of course, I will have to put in the time and effort to learn and do new things that I feel will best serve me in this journey, things like learning a new foreign language, and committing other things to memory.

This is the time that I give myself the best, my ideas my best, my passions, my family, my loved ones and those who believe in me.

What a great time we live in when I can greet the new day with enthusiasm and happiness knowing that I have a mind full of wonderful ideas and dreams, a body that I can use to manifest them in a reality of the tangible world, and wonderful people to share that dream and ideas with. Along the way, I look forward to learning and to be apart of other people’s beautiful lives journies all while discovering treasures along the way I never imagined. My hope is to bring them as much happiness as they bring me, that I might be there for them in their time of need and offer them a new way of seeing the world, even if it is just that a new way of seeing the world by seeing my travels and happenings.

The goal of change that I actively seek to know and take up the challenge is to:

Make the Artistic Abstract Adjective Beat Movement into the flagship of artistic movements of the world.

To learn foreign languages notable German and Japanese

To become physically fit getting down to an optimal weight so that I might perform several signature yoga moves and various physical exercises

To go back to school and work on obtaining my degree in accounting to become a CPA

To share life and artistic experiences with some close friends and aquatics

To become finically independent

To travel back to Japan, and Germany

To begin a new phase of my life where the dreams are no longer dreamed but made each day by taking action and actively working towards that and those goals.

Today I put that all into perspective

Some of the most inspiring ideas to get us through.

“Everyone goes through things! Always be yourself because in the end, yourself is all you got. It can be difficult to be proud of who you are some days but ultimately you’re the best you ever, ya know. That’s the greatest thing ever to be your own hero! I mean you know what you’ve been through, and I’m sure that definitely makes you a hero to you’re own story.” Unknown

In the time of social media people post some pretty amazing and awe-inspiring ideas from time to time. There have been a few that have caught me off guard and really impacted my life. She goes on to say in her post.

I don’t really know when or how it happened, but at some point I lost my confidence in my own voice.

I’ve always had a powerful voice (sometimes so much so that it was inconsiderate), but in the last few years I’ve noticed myself struggling to voice my beliefs and communicate my needs.

It’s honestly only very recently that I’ve started to realize this.

Here’s how I know that’s what’s up

-I stopped discussing political issues and voicing my questions/thoughts on controverial topics almost entirely over the last couple of years.

-My voice literally shook during conversations regarding something meaningful to me because I was afraid of being doubted or confronted

-I struggled to communicate my desires for my life + to say no to things I don’t really want because I was intimidated by the responses I’d receive.

-I catch myself hyper-editing my online + in-person speech to make sure I don’t say anything politically incorrect

Here’s what I have to say for now, as I relearn to trust my own voice:

You can have a fire in your throat and still be compassionate. You can disagree with people you love — even over controversial and heated topics — and still understand that they are a human being with legitimate human experiences. You can be afraid of losing love or of being judged and still speak confidently about what you need.

You have an extremely necessary, beautiful voice, and someone needs to hear what you have to say. Especially yourself.

Even if you need to begin by writing privately what it is you believe an what exactly you would say if you knew no one would ever read it, then do. Start somewhere, but don’t stop there.

Life mission

My mission is to be present for as many moments of life as possible and revel in the joy of these momentsand/or grow though them. My mission is to live a life that is interesting and exciting to me. My mission is to engage in work that is financaially supportive and brings joy to my life. My mission is to forever write and express myself, even if it doesn’t support me financially, and to never put pressure on my work to support me and to not be resentful if it doesn’t. My mission is to experience everything deeply, to stand in my self-worth integrity, to take time to appreciate life’s beauty, do the things I love, to grow from my experiences and to cultivate a fountain of peace and love within myself and then share it with the world around me. X.O. S.C. 2-20-2020

The conversation that started after went like this:

I Loved your post about your voice, it was very touching and inspiring and I just wanted you to let you know just that. I wish more people shared like this and wished more people shared.

It means a lot that you took the time to share this with me, thanks Terry. It’s important for us to share what’s most difficult sometimes.

I know how hard it can be to have a boice an idea a belief let alone to just be you. I remember wanting to put myself out there and at one point lost my voice. I found mine much like you have that’s why your message spoke out to me so much. I put mine out there again not like I use to and I have evolved my message. I want to share happiness love encouragement and growth. All I can ask for is people to believe in me and my dreams and to tell me theirs so I might do the same for them. Keep writing keep living keep being you. This is my voice, even if no one reads it or journyies though it, it makes me happy and I thought I would share it with you.

Thanks for sharing I like the way set up the site, it looks like a great project too. It’s a great place to find yourself when your own appreciation of your voice is enough.

Ten ideas in enlightment to knowing a truth.

This is a collection of ideas, thoughts, phrases, passages that combined suggest a bigger idea altogether. There is nothing here to suggest something that some aspect or way of thinking more right than another. Simply it’s a string, a collection that allows me to look at the world through another lens as to draw new conclusions, answer some questions and ask new ones. I do not know where some of the sayings or quotes came from but I will do my best to credit the ones I do, reference the ones I know, or simply mark them as unknown.

1: When Moses went spoke to God in the form of the burning bush, the response that is given is what can most commonly be agreed upon as being translated into “I am, that I am.” Exodus 3:14 I think that this is a rather profound statement any way you look at it. Anyone reading that one verse becomes that verse. For I am, that I am. I can’t help but think of Popeye the sailor man. Often he would go around saying “I am what I am, that’s what I am Popeye the sailor man” In this example he was clearly declaring to everyone exactly what and who he was.

2: I begin with a philosophical quote from the 19th-century french philosopher Des Cart. In his attempt to understand his existence the only thing that he could be sure of is that existed because he thought himself to exist famously saying. “I think, therefore I am” To me, this stands as a self-proclamation of acknowledging that you exist.

3: Now that we established both one and two we can look at both statements separately and as one coherent idea. A person can say “I am, that I am” and be what they are. Also, you can say I think therefor I am because you thought yourself into existence. No a merge between the two through the use of symbolic logic we come up with

a: I think there for I am, that I am, and

b: I am, that I am there for I think.

I believe that the first one suggest that the things we focus our mind upon are the things we inherently become. The second reinforces the idea that we exist because we can rationalize and contain the cognitive idea that we exist.

4. With being self-aware and acknowledging that you exist you imminently have to start taking responsibility. I think a great way of putting that very idea into perspective is by saying, “ do you know why you do what you do? Because if you don’t know why you do what you do, and people do react to the things you do, do, then how do you expect anyone to apart of anything that you are or could be about.” Unknown

At this point, I feel that we have established the basis of a limited rational thinking individual. The next logical linneral step is establishing a sense of morality. I think that this ideas is best summed up in the preface of the book “A clockwork orange” written by Anthony Burgess

“By definition a human being is endowed with free will. He can use this to choose between good and evil. If he can only preform good, or only preform evil then he is a clock work orange. Meaning that he has the appearance of an organism lovely with color, and juice but only in fact a clock work toy to be wound up by God or the Devil or since this is increasingly replacing both the all mighty state. It is as inhuman to be totally good as it is to be totally evil the important thing is moral choice. Evil has to exist along with good in order that moral choice may operate. Life is sustained by the grinding opposition of moral entities.” Anthony Burgers, A Clockwork Orange. 1986

5. To establish an idea of moral development and continue this argument I think an important idea that best sums up this idea is, “ What are the ideas you hold as values worth preserving, values being the very thing that define us as individuals, our sense of being. In essence the charter make up our moral code, the proverbial moral compass that goes on to make our identity.

There is a lot of information out there in the world on the idea of identity, but I think that one of the best sources when it comes to identity is the 1995 anime Ghost in the shell. The movie goes to great depths to articulate the ideas of what what identity is, how it is formed and how it is formed thought he use of a genera known as Cyber-Punk. Cyber-Punk because it often deconstructs preconceived notions we hold about ourselves and the world around us, allowing us to look at life and events in new ways that lead us to new understandings.

6: I think that one of the things that the anime movie “Ghost in the Shell” is that our identity is held in our memory. When I think about it I come up with this thought; our identity is how we remember ourselves. I base this not only on the movie but in my own experience. I have watched people who began to suffer from the early onsets of dementia to it’s late stages. In that time I watched people forget who they are along with people around them not to mention various aspects of their life both in the short term and long term memory. The question then remains is who are we then when we forget who we are, a shell of our former selves? Even from personal experiences with various ideas that i visit from time to time and forget I have to ask myself how that changes me and impacts me as a person.

7: Now with some degree of certainty we can say that our identity resides within our memory we begin to look at how that sense of identity is influenced.

7.a: Again “Ghost in the Shell” makes mention of humans being hacked and given false memories. Like the garbageman of the movie, we see his perception of the world is changed because of the false memories that are placed within his mind. Anyone who as studied marketing knows that companies will go out of their way to subliminally plant ideas within people so that when they go out they are more inclined to buy their products. In the early to mid 90’s I remember there being legislation regarding the volume of commercials. Once a show was done airing their segment the decibel at which commercials were played at a much higher level. This was again a market ploy in order to sell more products in hopes of subliminally planting ideas within people.

7.b: One of the biggest factors when considering your identity and the identity that the movie makes note of is our relation with space. Nerd Writer off of You Tube goes into great detail talking about our relationship with spaces and influences that we have with them. I think the two biggest things I take away from his case study of Ghost in the Shell and spaces are this. “Ghost in the shell wants to show us the dynamic between ourselves and our spaces that we are one and the same, One. Secondly, “spaces like identities are constructed through space that often feels natural like we can move anywhere in it but our movements are activities our life is always limited by the way space is produced. Spaces and identities are constructed but not always by ourselves. Later in Nerd writer’s case study of “Ghost in the Shell”, he touches on a notion by the late philosopher Michell Focault. Foucault suggests that “a space that doesn’t succumb to the forces that try and make everything the same are marginal spaces for the voiceless to construct identities for themselves.

The mind is a infinite space unfilled unless we ourselves put ideas, and thoughts into it and grow our own original ideas out of it. The question is what sort of ideas and thoughts are we to fill our minds with, that is the question. Some people fill their minds with experiences, elaborate ideas contained within books, movies and the experiences of others giving themselves a depth and complexity that only comes with the consumption of knowledge and information.

8: Like two sides of a coin there are those who do not posses such knolwdge. Ideas like Plato’s cave, or the Theseus paradox go unknown. Worse history and the inharent lessons found within it become lost or remain irrelevant while it continues to repeat and unfolds around them. A functioning society simply going with the flow of things wearing the pervabile hat that “society” has produced and openly wears. The only thing that is more disturbing then there bing a scoiety that wears such a hat is a society that dosne’t know it wears such a hat.

9: There is a choice we must live with when it comes to knowledge. The old saying goes on to say “ignorance is bliss,” but what is life without ignorance, without that “bliss.” Almost like the movie The Matrix we can’t go back to living a life that we once know the truth that’s when life really begins.

10: In the end of this argument the thing we can take from it that the most important thing we posses is our minds because it keeps who we are. Our life is another most important metaphysical and tangible idea we posses as it is the body the shell in which keeps our mind. Finally is the ideas we fill our mind with, the ideas that keep us going that define us that give us purpose and fulfillment, beyond simply wearing preconceived ideas and notions.

I have a friend

When you have someone in your life who is a positive force I think it’s important to put those good vibes out there into the universe.

 I have a friendship that’s been going on now for 20. Although we have only had the opportunity to catch up a handful of times that has not stopped us from keeping a friendship going. Her life plays out like some romantic novel where each page is unique and each chapter a journey.  After hearing of these adventures and seeing her art at her various shows she inspired me to travel half way around the world to experience her city and a day in her life as an artistic.  While visiting I gained a new experience and understanding in life that I’m forever grateful for.  Wondering the city and taking everything in I learned we as humans are not all that different, that we are more alike then not.  The things we differ on and the things we are is what makes us uniquely ourselves.  

I got the chance to meet one of her friends while at one of her artistic workshop she hosted teaching in both English and Turkish.  Afterwards over wine and conversation we all learned something new about ourselves and the world we live in that night. I also had the chance to ask many questions I had long to ask about the world and of life. I got the chance to share my own ideas in art and gain new perspective into the way another artist sees and deals with reality. I left with many of my questioned answered but also left with many new questions unanswered.

I can honestly say I love my friend, not in a romantic sense but because she lives a passionate life putting her heart and soul into her work, and by putting her message out there into the world.  Kind, sincere and genuine in her actions I’m thankful to have her as a friend and a positive force and influence in my life.  The chance to support and believe in a such a talented and amazing artist brings me a great. The chance to know a day in her life in her city I hope can be matched by being able to share my love of Tokyo and Kyoto with her, or that she might know their magic one day.

As far as the idea in art goes for artists uniting I know she does an amazing job depicting and portraying the culture and people of Turkey and thus making the world a little smaller.  So many people have an opinion of the word yet know nothing of their own back yard. Though her art she give the people of an amazing city and country a voice and a face that is heard further then one person can carry alone. 

I look forward to both our artistic endeavors where ever thy may take us and to our future works of art.

Japan 2021

Tokyo 3.0 put off until 2021

With only 67 days left until my next trip to Japan I ended up canceling my trip entirely the second day of the new year. This decision didn’t come lightly and was difficult to carry though with. I knew it was for the best for several reasons. With the desire to make the next ten years something more then I could ever imagine 2020 was to be a rebuilding year. I had already accomplished one major accomplishment having traveled to Japan in 2019 before the 2020 Olympics. A fan of the 1988 movie “Akira” that was set in the year 2019 I couldn’t help but live out a life long dream much like the fans of movie “Back to the Future II”

Packing five major trips into two years I wasn’t planning my trips as much as I could have been. Instead of putting any real thought I was simply picking places and going with the flow of things. There was nothing wrong with simply wondering through life until I got tired of acting like a background character to my own story. With over a year to plan Japan 3.0 I intend it to not only be a Japan trip but also plan to make it to China and Korea as well. More importantly I hope to learn at least an elementary understanding of the language so that this time around I might make new friends, gain new understanding and learn new perspectives. The first two times has left me with a list of questions a mile long.

This time I was suppose to vist once again my beloved Tokyo, and Kyoto, but also Toyama, Nagasaki, Okayama, Kobe, and Osaka. I wish to add to this list Nara, Nogoya. Spite having visted twice already I still need to make it to Mt. Fuji, and to several musemes and artist gallaries depicting some of Japans most famous and iconic works of art.

I know that one thing I would love to see in China is the Tokyo Reserve, but when it comes to Korea I have no idea.

The end of 2019 and the end of a decade

With only a day left to the year and to the decade I felt it only right to take a moment and reflect upon the past and give insight into my future plans and ambitions.

There is no doubt that the past ten years have been a journey unlike I ever imagined. Shortly after my return home from university I was tasked with administrating a vast estate after the untimely passing of my grandfather. Being entrusted to do the right thing out of the family taking care of the estate took me nearly nine years to see it through. Since then little remains of a past that was once believed would transcend time it’s self. I remember standing across from my our childhood home as it was bulldozed in, now a vacant lot used for storage of snow. I myself only keep a few things from that time, a coin from the 1800’s a bible that my grand father carried around always, and a Gibson guitar from the 30’s. There was no reason to hold onto such material wealth not at the cost of living my own life.

With the passing of a generation I dealt with a reality that few my age understand at that time. Though the task was daunting and at times frustrating dealing with members of the family let alone the numrious clauses and amendments to the trust I finished in 2019 filing the final income tax return.

I retired shortly after that and enjoyed my time going back to school until the oil crash reuslting in the loss of most of my investments. Instead of being bothered by the reality of the stock market I went back to work and began the next steps of my journey.

I was fortunate to put together an art show and build a web-sight ,The Artistic Abstract Adjective Beat Movement. A movement and an idea that I intended on becoming the flagship of all artistic endeavors of the world. This was the first time I put my art and work out into the world to be seen. A raw glimpse into my life, with my written pieces I embraced the feelings and was happy to express an idea of life and a sense of being.

The artistic movement was only the beginning. One of my greatest discoveries was a concept know as “Identity In Space.” An idea that would influence me my works and continue to influence my life in profound ways. Most impactful of this ideas was my travels around the world, as it gave me new insight into life. No longer did I wish to take things at face value, but instead I wished to from my own opinion by traveling there and experiencing events, culture and ideas first hand.

My first trip took me to France. Not only did I see the iconic city of Paris but I was fortunate to see much of the country side by road tripping from the southern coast back to the capitol. Along the way I was able to try local dishes and various foods along with getting to see some of the most amazing and best preserved Roman ruins still standing.

My next trips paralleled each other, sort of follow ups to one another. A huge fan of anime I was able to go to the L.A. Anime Exp and Japan two years in a row. The first time experiencing both I was overwhelmed taking everything in. Coming from a city of 50,000 with the largest city that I visited maybe being half a million I was in for a cultural shock. Not speaking the language and only relying on technology I can say that I had the time of my life once I settled in for the experience.

The Anime Exp is unlike any convention out there and radically different then Comic Con. Though after experiencing the convention twice I will not be attending the L.A. Expo again. In 2019 for what ever reason the lines were out of control, events were sold out without prior acknowledgment. Best summed up the convention had outgrown the venue.

My second trip to Japan I not only saw the things I missed out on in Tokyo the first time I lost my heart to the city of Kyoto. Kyoto will always hold a special place in my life for the magic I found and the friends I made there. Truly a story that I couldn’t have imagined happening but happened all the same. Hiroshima was a city that I reflected upon greatly forever changing how I would look at the world and take things for face value. While in Hiroshima I had some of my most memorable times drinking and eating with the Japanese business men at some local little bar.

The last trip that I took for the decade was for my 36 birthday. I went to Turkey not only to celebrate my birthday but to also see a friend of mine and celebrate in her gallery opening Elements of Istanbul. Spite the problems I encountered and only getting to spend four days I had a magical time, and got to see everything I had hoped to see. I couldn’t have asked for a better time nor could have I asked for more. My time getting to catch up with a friend and experience a city that she loved enough to make her home was a crowning achievement in my life.

Aside from my travels around the world I took a new job in the oil field and because of that I have been afforded the opportunity in seeing much of the United States. I have been fortunate to travel to Texas, New Mexico, Montana North Dakota, Tennessee, Kentucky, Ohio, and Pennsylvania. The job I had before was in the food industry where I was a cook for the better part of ten years. Spite only having a handful of people who believed in me I made it spite various obstacles and difficulties. I continue to work at my job and am getting ready to celebrate my two year anniversary. I am thankful that it has provided and continues to provide me with opportunity to do things I never thought I would get the chance to do.

As for the future I intend to continue to make art and develop my ideas spite my demanding and crazy schedule. I look forward to growing my web-sight with not only my accounts of life depicted through art. I want nothing more then to combine with fellow artists and others in painting a bigger picture to life so that we might understand our own identity within that space.

The goal for traveling it to make it back to Japan as to see the Cherry Blossoms in full bloom, but but beyond that make it to many more cities along with a visit to my beloved city of Kyoto. Beyond Japan is China, Vietnam, and Korea.

I look forward to meeting new people and hearing of their experiences and how they see and preecieve life as to grow my own opinion. Home is an abstract idea, I hope I can find a place where I can finally know as my own and share in that magic. May 2020 and the years ahead be everything and more not just for me but everyone. I look forward to watching my friends grow in their own dreams as they make them that much more real with each passing day.

May artists of the world unite.