Amazing Begennings.

Aside from everything going on I had this great idea regarding art, something about the recent showing and display of all the students up at the event center that suggested to me that I need to push my limits. I am taking a big leap in something I don’t just believe in, but if pulled off it will be an extraordinary feet, I intend to use color in several different mediums and in several different styles of a friend who was kind enough to help me out in the first place by allowing me the use of some truly artistic photographs.

If art is to be a blue print of the reality I intend to create and and a letter to express ideas and thought that would otherwise fail then may the brush stroke speak volume.

Lately I have been sort of a funk of sorts. Everything is changing, the tide is going out and a great wave of change is happening, right now the wave is small, and the movement almost unnoticeable, There are things in my personal life, my family and in the world at large. These are times that would make anyone feel uncertain, and fearful of the future. Now, the time has come to rewrite that narraitive and beging with an amazing sense and a beautiful story to unfold.

This story begins tomorrow with some amazing beginnings.

April: The jumping off point to the next big adventure in life

            We are roughly six mounts out from going to Japan me and my small adventure team. I have made ready virtually everything possible. I only have a few logistics left to iron out before our departure. I have an incredible trip booked one with amazing hotels and capsule hotels for us to stay at. This will be my last trip though the major cities and next time I will be focusing on going north and an extensive trip to Mt. Fuji. This will be my fourth Trip across the pond bringing me closer to understanding the culture and way of life, but still I am left with many questions. I am still pushing myself with noble intentions of learning the language, something I really need to kick into high gear if I want to be anywhere novel at it when I get there in September. For this trip I will be visiting the city of Tokyo, Kyoto, and Osaka. I am particularly happy about going to Osaka and trying all the many amazing flavors that Japan’s second largest city has to offer.

            I have also been busy with my art and that movement. I have finished a few new pieces that I am particularly happy about. Beauty inspires me. I once read a phrase from a book that is titled, Steal like an artist. The idea is that there is really nothing new and everything is stolen in some form or another. The gimmick being if you do steal something then the goal of an artist is to make it somehow better than before. That is the goal anyway, making what I capture better and more impressive than I could ever imagine. That being said I don’t know if “stealing” crosses the line or blues an ethical line of some sort.

            I created an entire show that doesn’t actually exist but has left the public to believe that I have in fact had a showing my works of art. In all honesty all I did was go around and take pictures of galleries and various walls and thought the magic of photoshop I put up my own art work. I reworked the shadows and surroundings to make the piece of art be as authentic as possible. The fact that most people wouldn’t look that in-depth at the pieces or give them that much scrutiny said that I would be able to fudge some of the lesser details and still pull of what I was intending. Everything about the show and the pieces were an illusion other than having made the drawings myself. Even the pieces themselves could be debated as to whether they were real or not. Ultimately, I played upon the idea of what people thought and believed that knew to be true. I had plans to make more artwork and keep up with the drawing and posting.

            My art served another role. Propaganda. In the sense that my works of art were promoting ideas larger than life, that I was living my best life possible. Ture, I was living my best life possible, but I wanted more than just sharing idea on social media and my website I wanted more than anything genuine human connection and interaction, as it was and is there the true spark and meaning of life. In today’s society we lack that connection. We have replaced the genuine connection for a screen, memes, reels, and live streams. In other words, we have rendered our lives down to content, selling a name a brand and an idea.

            My cooking has taken on a life of its own making for some incredible dishes. I have learned and perfected a few things including creeps, and that potato basket for eggs. I decided to start a page dedicated to my cooking adventures and everything it brings along with it. This all started when people started complaining about how they were tired of making the same things over and over or they didn’t know what they wanted. I get that, cooking can be easy for someone to get stuck in a rut and make the same dish over and over again. The other problem is that food has skyrocketed in price and left many people rethinking what they are going to have for dinner or what they are going to buy at the store. I personally remember that in 2018 I could buy two steaks for $16.00 and just the other day I bought the same sort of stake only I had to pay $25.00. Needless to say, I ended up cutting them into four steaks and made several different dishes out of them. After the meal I intend to make today I plan to go in a different direction with my cooking.

            There for a while I was a vegetarian. I went almost two years eating healthy and taking advantage of the fact that I also worked in a restaurant at the time afforded me the ability to eat one amazing healthy meal. There are several reasons for doing this; one, I want to diversify my menu and dishes, and two I want to lose weight and become physically fit.

            After changing my job and becoming less active than I had been in the past I can defiantly tell that I have put on some weight on. Even before I was heavier, it just seems that every time I get into the grove, I have a set back and it puts me at a disadvantage causing me to fall even further behind. Another reason for getting back into the swing of things is so that I am ready to tackle Japan my goal is to walk 130 miles in 12 days, shopping and sight-seeing, that will be a goal worth talking about. That goal is totally doable. The health benefits out weight any other reason, become sharper of mind, more energetic, not to mention balance my body out and detoxify from the nasty sugars and other chemicals.

            The next big thing in art comes with becoming a YouTuber with my own Channel. The goal here is life is about having something to say and finding a way of expressing it. One of my own personal mantras is, life is about having a dream and living it. Too often I have watched individuals live their life with regret, and end up checking out angry and bitter. Even I have thought about my own life, and if I am to live forever, I must make for the best vehicle to do so.

            I have also dabbled with the idea of time travel and the notion of going back in time and what that would mean or how that would look.

            Several questions came to my mind. One, what juncture would I pick to go back to. Two, if it was a success, going back in time, would I be the younger version of myself or would I exist at the same time as my younger version of myself. Both have promising applications and both have drawbacks. If I became my younger version would I also get to keep my mind, the memories happenings and everything that I came to know of the “future.” And, if I came back as my older version would changing my younger version also add to my mind. If anything I hoped for the first that I would come back with the mind that I had because then I would have the ability to not just add to my mind but I would also be able to delve into the concepts of being someone even more than I could ever imagine. But the biggest question is why, why go back in time at all.

            The answer was simple, because I seemingly missed out on life’s opportunities simply because the “stars and planets” were not aligned in my favor I wanted a do over. Even still there, there was no guarantee that I would accomplish something a second go around. The other notion would be that it wouldn’t be long before I would be completely off script. The only thing I would know would be specific junctions of events times and places. Untimely as much of a great story it would make to tell. One thing I have to remind myself is that at every corner I have given life my best for who and what I was in that moment. Although I guess you could say that one of the biggest factors is that I haven’t always given myself my best. That is where we attempt to make the necessary changes, and ready myself for the future and the future things to come.

            At times doubt and anxiety can fill our sales causing us to go off course. We become frustrated that events and circumstances didn’t pan out quite like we had hoped they would be leaving us to questions ourselves and our direction, let alone everything he have invested in mind body and soul. Expectations create the faults and cracks in our dreams, as we come to expect events and circumstances pan out in certain ways. This also comes at the cost of much needed inner work. The desire to overcome and be better than what we once were. And though art and meditation will I lay the blue print of the things I wish to see become reality become reality.

            I think that the other big take away about wanting to go back and change things is that there is really nothing really worth changing, because there the idea and notions, circumstances and events that I might have wanted to change weren’t that impressive to begin with.

            Today, I stand at the forefront of change, and although fear, anxiety, doubt and worry filled my sail, as the captain of my own ship I had to drop the sail and let those negative vibes blow past me before raising them again. For the past eleven years I have grown accustomed to life, a predictable routine and set of outcomes. Although there has been some ups and downs there for the most part life as I have known it has remained stable. I mistake this as certainty and that everything would stay together long enough before having to jump off on the next great adventure. Although change can be scary, change can be necessary in order to grow and to make for the next great adventure in life.

            This journey may be starting sooner than I thought leaving me to change my plans and to reexamine my thinking. This line of thinking has only gotten me so far in a quandary. I realize that I have been going it alone for, sort of the coffee shop paradox. The notion that I am actually a part of something and that there are actually people around me who care when really, I am just caught up in the moment and circumstances. Rather than try and be a part of the lives of people whom I considered closest it would seem that we couldn’t be further apart to which I find there is no reason to continue to hold on to anymore, instead send them adrift. Other people’s thinking best suits them, and to think that their line of thinking has anything to do with the way I think feel and live my life is fooling myself into some kind of delusion.

            Carful who you share your hopes and dreams with. Too often people want to way down your dreams with their doubts worries, or worse ladened them with their own expectations of how things should or shouldn’t be until you abandon your own line of thinking. And so April beigns the next big chapter of my life, the jumping off point of the next great adventure.

A friend spreads her wings and owns the world

Life is absolutely beautiful, even if I don’t understand every aspect of it and even when it takes time for the answers to be processed or even understood. I finally have clarity on some very interesting things. At least a profound way of expressing and putting what I am feeling into perspective.

The song that comes to mind is John Lennon’s Watching the Wheels almost as a reminder that everything is going to be alright and the only thing that I have to really worry about is staying true to myself and keeping with my dreams and goals. Just today I texted my dear friend two new incredible rules to life, quotes I plan on using as I start blogging and putting my art and ideas out into the universe. That rule is “A dream worth having is a dream worth living.” I just didn’t realize just how impactful that idea would be especially when I sent it to my friend this morning. I didn’t know the full scope of her story.

After everything that has happened to me in the past few months, I realize that despite what some people may think, the truth is that this. I took a chance and pushed my life in a direction with everything I had to give. I let the universe navigate, and I allowed things to be abstract. Many people said they were sorry for me, and others were outright upset and asked why I would ever want to go down that path again. I look at life as if I planted a beautiful idea, and we all know that it takes time for ideas and beautiful flowers to grow. All flowers bloom when it’s their time. An eternity can exist in a single moment, and a moment can be all there is at times. This is why we must live life to the fullest in every moment and never live or have regrets. I did just that. As I know that the seeds are planted in the cosmic universe all I can do is live love and run with that passion and know that everything will work out in the end.

I believe that this is a very adult way of thinking and looking at life let alone reality. It’s all us figuring it out for the first time. I haven’t stopped believing in that reality or that happening, but I know too that my life is by far more complicated than I like to believe, with depth and complexity. I am going to Japan for the fourth time, with a trip planned for Mt. Fuji.

I was surprised that my friend texted me to catch up and to invite me to lunch, which I gladly accepted and was extremely excited to have. Our karma and magic always seemingly worked out, and we were one that had the same fiery passion and intensity and lived for life. Excited to hear about her trip to New York, and find out what had happened in her life that had put her on this course.

I found out that she got the itch after watching someone on her social media living their best life. She booked her ticket, packed, and drove to Denver to catch the next plan out. She told me of how she had time to think and to truly follow her passion, much like how I went to japan to hear the beauty that life had to say. I can’t begin to describe how happy I was for her, someone who took after my spirit and embraced my attitude towards life. She told me her plan and laid out the details; in 20 days, she would be leaving and starting a leading role acting. With her car paid off and the world at her fingertips, she was well on her way. I told her that because I knew everything would work out and that in the end, we would be looking back at all our accomplishments and how hard we had worked she had to go to Japan for Japan 5.0 and even Korea 1.0 for the trip of a lifetime. I told her we would climb Mt. Fuji and make it to the top to watch the sunrise.

I was extremely excited. Not necessarily winning the Jackpot lottery, but it was most likely winning the cosmic lottery. I knew that this was more of a sure thing than anything else, another seed planted in the garden of life. I stopped by my adopted French mom’s house to share all the amazing things and because she was someone whom I could tell things without her scripting a narrative that was seemingly their narrative, nor felt pity or sorry for me that things didn’t “workout”

I decided that I would take the frist step and move forward with making my video and blogging adventure more a reality and went out and bough the last pieces needed to make my dream a reality. And completely give myself over to the dream and no longer worry about the how and when but the why not.

And I say yes to the life that is about to begin. I know I say goodbye to a life that was, to friends who got off one of the many stations that I had left, taking up their own train, and following their own path. Beyond that, I say hello and say yes to what lies ahead.

Life has been incredible lately, I have really thrown myself into cooking and come up with some incredible dishes that push the level of professionalism in the kitchen. From a handmade cauliflower pizza crust to a full-on seafood rosota. At first, I wasn’t too sure about making a seafood dish, but after I had finished it and started eating it, OMG, was it good. I ate everything and have plans to come back to the seafood world and explore more options. I am already thinking of doing a red sauce lobster meat Alfredo. Cooking hasn’t just been fun, it’s also been incredibly delicious. The ultimate goal is to inspire others and put myself out there. A friend recently said that they hope to only be as great as me someday. To me, the notion of greatness is incredibly large shoes to fill. Now, I have a lot of other leftover items that will be put to good use to make new dishes with even greater potential. When I saw people online suggesting that they didn’t have any ideas for dinner or they didn’t want to make the same old thing, I thought to myself. Challenge accepted.

I was fortunate to be able to stop and see one of my amazing friends and catch up over coffee and breakfast on Saturday morning. One of my favorite pastimes has always been getting together and catching up with old friends, sharing our journeys and everything going on and happening in our lives. We have both been incredibly busy with life and the world, this was a rare moment that I made sure to run with and own. over the course of breakfast and coffee we up we talked about everything from remodeling a home to my trip to Japan in September. We even caught up about what was going on in our personal lives, my interest in dating, and her getting ready to have a kid.

I don’t often like talking about such things, especially with certain individuals. Often, people ask questions that I don’t have answers to, leading to only more questions and eventually pity or feelings of sadness for me that more hasn’t transpired or that things haven’t trans[ire to the level that they think they should. For me, I left some things unsaid, abstract if you will, or I simply don’t ask questions because I don’t need to know right now. What I hate most is the fact that asking questions or living through other people’s expectations dispels what I think or believe or at least tears at it. All I ask is to believe in the impossible and allow the abstract to be abstract. I have, however, not lost faith in what I am doing or what comes next.

I had the chance on Sunday to see one of my good friends and talk art. Together we have decided to move forward with our next great project. Combining our forces we will be a much larger force to be recon with that paves the way for even greater artistic endeors. I think this will be a great concept and an even better way of putting my dream out there. As of right now so many of my dreams have come more alive in the past four months then ever before. I shall continue to manifest what I see as being the shinkansen of life.

Today I wait to hear back on the magic I put out into the universe and I plan to put even more magic believing that good will come back. I have never given up my belief and faith in the impossible, and continue to believe in moving forward into even greater and more magical happenings.

The magic is out there.

Today I put the magic I believe in out into the world, and put myself out there, and now I wait patiently and excitedly to see how positively it manifests in reality. I find it amazing how much is going on and at play right now. I know that I have been pushing myself in various aspects. I have been creating meals, baking, and working on making pastries. The goal is to stay positive and productive as the world and universe do their part. Now it’s my turn to keep the faith and trust in the universe holding all the answers.

Believeing in the impossible, moving the heavens and earths, making a reality.

Life seems incredibly infinite and yet passes by so quickly that days strung together become a blur. Like the pages of a flip book playing a story, their ideas unfold like a play on this grand stage we call life. Out of all the moments in life that exist, and out of all the places in which you can belong we reside in the magical here and now searching for meaning in this seemingly random existence. But, what if the meaning of life, of any given moment was what you take from it and what you put into it? Then I would be moved to slow down and take in every day like grabbing hold of the seemingly random passing-by pages and running with them.

When I think of how seemingly random everything is and the fact that I am here, not to mention the fact that there are other people here sharing this existence with me, forming similar memories of the same moment. If that is not reason enough to run with life, the magic, and to take chances, let alone in something with someone you believe in, someone who paints your reality. I can take solace in knowing the fact that I took a chance at this moment in this frame, leaving no stone unturned.

The fear of losing what we think we have is what keeps us from taking real chances and risking it all. We would much rather hold on to something risk losing it all together at the chance that what it is we are holding onto may never come to be.

Tomorrow I am taking chances at fufilling my dreams to their fullest by taking chances I don’t just believe in I believe in their reality and my place in them. Tomorrow earmarks the next steps in this incredible journey. The Japan Trip is already booked and is coming together, now to put two more elements into play.

As nervious as I am about everything, its more excitment than anything. I have faith that the universe has heard me and paves my path, that regardless everything will unfold just as it’s suppose to, the magic is knowing I did everything I could and believe in so much.

I just don’t dream big, what I ask for is no less then moving the heavens and the earths. Archimidieas said give me a long enough lever and I will move the earth.

The jounrey continues

Here we are almost half way though the first month of the new year. And as I look back and take stock in the year that has passed it is worth taking a moment and writing about it.

As far back as 2022 October I booked my trip to Japan for spring break. I had always wanted to go somewhere exciting and finally this was my chance, my time. I booked my ticket the day Japan opened and fought for my right to go spite my boss at the time fighting me from going. I was going regardless, nothing was stopping and as I pushed my request form back across the table, I left it with saying if your telling me I can’t go then your gonna have to get someone a lot higher in rank tell me so.”

I left for Tokyo the morning of March 10 and arrived in Tokyo on the 11th late in the afternoon. I was back home and loving every moment of it. This journey took me back to Tokyo and down to Kyoto keeping the promise I made of returning. The incredible feat in all this was the fact that I was still in school and suppose to be studying. Regardless, I made incredible experiences and made the very best at making memories and meeting new people along the way.

Only a short time later I would be graduating from University with my bachelors degree in accounting. A long time coming and an incredible feat all in it’s own. Now, was the time to move on from my job and actually do what I went to school for. Finally I had the opportunity to apply at a place I had wanted to ever since I found out about it. In the beginning it was not easy. I had no experience and so getting turned was starting to become a thing.

Than as if by fate I got a phone call from my former boss when I worked in the oil field asking how the job hunt was going. I was honest that I had been turned down here and there, leaving me in a quagmire. He said that he would look into what he could on his end and get back with me. I called him back asking him if I could use him as a reference which he agreed, but then surprised me when he said, I got to go but I’ll call you right back. Moments later he was offering me to come out and interview at my old company in the roll of accounting, it would be much but it would get my foot in the door and some experience.

There was no greater joy in quitting my job and getting to put in my two weeks and leaving behind something that was a detriment to my health and to my sense of being. And even in the end of trying to do the right thing I was replaced and nicely forced out before the end of my two weeks. Regardless almost to the date of three years, I walked on to my next adventure

I walked into a reality where it was chaos from the get-go, but I dug my heels in and stuck it out until I found my way and place. and rose to the top in only a matter of just four short months. And in those four short months, I watched many more things transpire as if you could cram that much into only three months.

I took a chance at believing in something in life as an artist and ran with it as an artist. As artists, we don’t see the world like everyone else, and we don’t let reality get in our way, we see it through our lenses. life is an expression, and the meaning of it is what we put into it and what we take from it. Although the artist’s intentions aren’t always understood, spite is filled with good intentions, with a hope and desire to run with life with fiery passion and love for life and living. Artists walk in their surreal world often forgetting about the reality at hand and often get caught up on their own.

When I think of life and how vastly infinite it is and yet how fine our experiences and encounters are there is no wonder why I want to run with life, with a desire to be a part of everything and to do everything. Tokyo is an adventure that some never experience, and this is my fourth time. I wrote this poem.

“If this is the last time I visit Japan it’s because next time it will be with you, and if I never return it will be because I have found greater meaning in life here with you.”

The truth about Japan and Tokyo is that there is truly amazing magic there, beyond what I could ever have imagined each time I go back I tap into it and run with it as hard as I can. Rather than only having the magic of life once a year maybe twice I want the magic of life every day. Rather than the daily beat scene I want to live the extraordinary happenings of life in there in its infinite possibilities.

This is the next chapter and the next great beginning. On Jan 6th I booked my ticket for Tokyo leaving in September for what I am pushing to be the very best trip ever. This time I will be taking an adventure team to experience the magic for the first time.

The trip is only the beginning. For whatever reason this idea has come to mind and lingered leaving me to live the fullest life possible. YOU MISS 100% OF THE CHANCES YOU DON’T TAKE. Life is about taking chances you believe in and running with them, and the inherent magic of living and being in the moment. When I think about life and the randomness of it all. Out of all the times in known history and in all the moments in which I could exist I exist in the here and now, and out of all the people on the planet these are the people I know, the people that have come into frame.

Life is incredibly infinite and yet the days pass by almost too to fast make sense, and too dense to deconstruct before another day passes. The random pages of a flip book strung together flipping by telling a story. The worst that you can be asked is, what was it like to live there? I don’t want my answer to be

“I don’t know, I passed though it once, I’ve never really been there.”

Morning inspirational thoughts

Writing has always been my go to prompt when it comes to expressing myself. In high-school I had a steamer trunk full of journals documenting my daily life and my daily thoughts in chronological order. These journals followed my highs and my lows, along with my journey at university. And although the process of writing is great I don’t feel that it’s everything as it lacks. When I write something truly inspirational, truly thought provoking there are few who want to take the time to read what I have taken the time to write about.

Although I knew about Casey Neistat from YouTube it was only recently that I was inspired by him and his amazing channel that pushed me over the edge to go full forward into start making videos and begin the process of telling what I consider my greatest story ever. The story of living, the story of life and finding that one thing in life that make you whole.

Maybe that one thing isn’t really a thing but a feeling, an experience. knowing that your part of the vibrant life happening in and around you, that you are a part of everything and all things both big and small. Because of people like Casey, and a few other youtubers along with a few who truly believe in me my october trip of next year is to be the biggest and best trip pushing every chance I get to take full advantage of life and everything it has to offer.

In the mean time I have to do what I have to in order to get ready to take full advantage of. I know my self different becuase I think of my self as being different. I see myself knowing and the very essence of the dreams I have dreamed.

This weekend I am going to wrap up some of the projects that I have tarted and never finished, and I need to finish them before I move on and begin tackling the next ones. I am going to put together the story Tear Drops in the snow, To love the read head fox, not once but twice, and Tokyo 2023. As a bonus I am going further work on my trip to Japan and Korea 2024. At some point there will be a reminder every month of the year of my travels.

I find it hard to believe that only just a short time ago this idea of blogging, vlogging, YouTube and other forms of social media was a foreign concept. Today I sit here and write as I watch my friends live from Japan and enjoy being lost in the moment even if for a brief moment. The other exciting thing I am going to do over the weekend is begin working on editing and learning the process of Adabo Pro along with better articulation of my cameras.

Give life Purpouse

When I think of my life and the future I think of where I have come and where I intend to go. The life I live is one that most people never live, or know of, only dream of. Most people plan to travel, go to a new country and never leave. Some people reside themselves to the daily beat of life and never step out of it’s rythem. In the end many have resentment and bitterness as to how their life turned out. You can hear it in their voice, and you can hear it in they way they give their advice.

Often their advice is filled with the things that that they would like to have done, and what they would have liked if they had a second chance at redoing life. The lesson I take is to not live a life with regret. With their words of advice I feel that I am on the verge of a new discovery in myself and about my path in life.

The life I live is unique and I take go on to do things that some people never think of doing. I also set out to accomplish anythings that seem to be impossible. And, when I am meet with negative attitudes, or with doubt about my actions at first I started to doubt myself, until I saw that it was a reflection of them on me.

I thought to myself how little faith they had in me and what I had set out to do. That rather then support me they would rather give me the worst case senior. When people asked me what my back up plan was if I didn’t get the job of managing the Beatles, I said, there is no back up plan. When America went to the moon there was no back up plan. We didn’t say oh if we fail at going to the moon we will just go to Mars. And when people said to me that the universe works in mysterious ways, that when they were applying for the job they wanted, they didn’t get it right away. Non of this is what I wanted to hear, especially when life was already becoming complicated.

There are still those who believe in me and have unwavering faith that everything will work out better then I could imagine, and I believe that. My brother gave me some great insight, he said you will hear what you need to from the universe when the time is right. We are on to bigger things.

I added that Indeed, I will hear what I need to when the time is right, but I have to believe in the course of action I have taken up because I am confident in myself, and my direction. That when people doubt me or criticize me they aren’t just doubting my plans, but they are doubting me and my confidence. Again when I think about these peoples stories and how many of them just fell into life. Rather then sculpting a future and a dream, they picked what would work best for them in the moment and in the time.

Knowing a path even without knowing my path is a profound sense of being, that requires undeniable faith, and trust in the unknown. When you set out on this sort of journey there are few who will ever join you, and even fewer you will cross while traveling. That’s one of the coolest things about traveling is that the people I am likely to connect with are the people that are there, because I am there. This notion gives my life purpose, of finding the bigger connection, the bigger happening to life.

The Ides of June 15th 2023 the end the last chapter of one book and the begenning of a new one entirley

All my hard work has come to this point in my life—the ides of June 2023. In the past five years, I have accomplished many great things that, at one point, seemed impossible. This list includes going to the oil field and working a job that most people haven’t or can’t handle. During this time, I visited L.A. twice for North America’s largest anime convention, where I first introduced myself to a city of over a million people. In a bid to figure out my life after realizing that I hated my life and wanted to push myself even further in finding myself, I booked a ticket to Tokyo, Japan. This first trip really pushed me mentally. After an initial breakdown, I picked myself up and had a fantastic experience.

My second trip to Japan was incredible; I didn’t just visit Tokyo; I went to Kyoto and Hiroshima. This was an interesting trip because it coincided with the time frame in which the pop-cult anime film Akari was set. The other and probably most significant part of the trip was learning to just go with the moment and drift with the happenings as they happened. This led me to meet a fantastic woman who I spent a significant amount of time with exploring Kyoto. After our parting, I gave her a gift in the form of a praying fox to remember the good times we shared briefly. 2019 was the biggest year yet. I did L.A. and Japan and went to Istanbul to visit an old high school friend. Wanting to walk a day in her shoes and have the conversation I always wanted, I found myself in a city that was not my cup of tea.

I watched the oil market crash in 2020, coinciding with the worldwide pandemic that left the populace uncertain and fearful. For a period of time, people had to quarantine inside their homes, except for essential workers. In turn, I rode the oil field wave until it eventually crashed. Unemployment was great with the extra money that the government had authorized as a subsidized packet to help many Americans. Many people were making more money than they would have if they had been working, which really made people question their working conditions.

Despite everything going on, my plan was to return to school to finish the 36 more credits I needed to graduate with a bachelor’s in accounting. As I weathered the pandemic, I waited for Japan to open back up. That came on October 11th of 2022. I booked my ticket for Japan 3.0. In my last semester of college for my undergrad degree, I was not only taking some of the hardest classes and, in addition, my exit exam, but I was going to Japan for spring break. At first, there were some obstacles to overcome, going I eventually won and could go. I didn’t just go to Tokyo; I also went to Kyoto and graduated with an A and two Bs. Many of my papers were kept as examples for future students in one class.

I had always wanted to go and do something extremely fun for spring break, and this was mine. I went and saw the cherry blossoms. I flew landed on Saturday night and went to work Sunday morning.

Now that I have graduated, my dream job opened up. I took the opportunity and applied and interviewed on June 14th, expecting to hear back with the news that I got the job by June 22nd at the latest. To have come this far has been truly amazing and wonderful. I am my own hero in my own story.

My motto is “Believe in my and my dreams and tell me yours so that I might do the same for you.” I ask that you do not doubt me and my course, my path. I ask that you have unwavering faith and belief in me, but this is not always true. I have met opposition from some people and unwavering support from others. This doubt and how people live their lives make me think of the character of the people in my life and what it means to have them in my life.

Although I consider some of these individuals friends, I can’t help but shake some of what they have said or their suggestions about my future. For my future, they have said that I need to start working and saving; otherwise, at the end of my life, all I have to look forward to is being awarded to the state. Regarding my job interview, it was said that I shouldn’t be surprised if I don’t get this job, but it was a great experience, and I should be looking at other jobs in the market.

My approach to life and everything that I have done and set out to do is not what you call as being conventional. I have carved out my path rather than taking the less-traveled one. Those paths don’t take you to Japan or around the world, and they surely don’t hold the greatest rewards in life. Even in my last college classes, I put it out there into the universe that I would be doing things a little differently. I would be going down to the river, putting my hands in the air towards the sun, and projecting my message into the universe.

the people who tell me such wild ideas are individuals who have clearly lived their life with regrets and now wander in the misery of their own making. I have to ask what happened to people in life. Where did their sense of adventure and discovery go, and when did we give up finding our greatest discoveries in the unknown? As a society, we once pioneered into space, the unknown believing that it would hold answers. Today I pioneer into the unknown spite the fact that it might seem to be impossible or unattainable because it is there that the greatest rewards are to be found.

In many aspects, I live with great certainty, absolute belief, and faith that events and circumstances will work out. This aligns with everything I have learned from Napolian Hill to Nevilen Godder. To make my reality, I must know and believe in it with absolute belief and faith.

In the mean time, I will continue to plan for my upcoming trips to Japan and my job while developing new fronts in regard to my career as an accountant, education, and obtaining a CPA license.

Black Friday and the art of spending money.

Today is Black Friday, and everyone is shopping their little hearts out. Nothing I could justify buying, nor was there anything I wanted. With inflation on the rise and wages being stuck, I know there have already been articles of people slipping further and further into debt. ERAP, a finical assistance program that helped individuals who were having difficulties paying their rent, has suspended taking applications and will soon stop assisting individuals altogether. Still, people shop, and still, people get to eat.

I can say that I am flat broke. I don’t have money for you, but I myself am alright. Furthermore, I have put all my efforts and funds into Toyko. Japan is where there are things that I want and wish to experience. Everything that is offered is bland and passé. Still, I know that most don’t feel that way, and kids certainly do not share the same sentiment. At the mall today, as I walked around looking at the sales, I thought back to my own childhood.

As a kid, it was neat and fun to command an army of toy soldiers or have a world of cars. Toys still have a special place in my heart but in novelty and in collections only. I remember having an impressive G.I.Joe collection growing up that could have gone up against Cobra any day of the week. In the end, before they were all started for obsoletion, many showed the toll playtime had taken on them. Working for money, turning around, and spending it on abstract items and notions has always been odd. Again I guess it’s because I place different values on things.

Still, with the prices of tangible items and consumables and the capitalist side of the holidays, I can’t help but think just how much we have further that we will push ourselves into debt. Even my friend at coffee this morning stated that a new truck he saw on TV was $109,000. I had to wonder how on earth people would ever make it and how they would continue to make it. Still, these notions didn’t stop people from lining up and spending a minimum of $10 for coffee.

Anyone who knows me knows how passionate I am about coffee and its design, flavor, freshness of the roast, and experience. But as prices continue to soar, the overall quality and experience have started to lack compared to what I used to get.

You would think being broke is terrible, but quite the opposite. Being broke means, you are more aware of your spending and not willing to sacrifice quality and experience. The other important idea behind being broke is that you're more conscious of what you want in and out of life, what you are willing to do, and what you are willing to give up to get the desired results. Maybe saying I am broke isn’t entirely appropriate, so I will say that it’s an evolution of the idea of starting off broke but being finically sound of mind and moving forward from there.

What a wonderful begenning to the next great leap forward.

I couldn’t have asked for a better end to the beginning of my summer. I have been able to reconnect with many of my friends from times past by “seeming chance” and others by good timing. Not to mention life has had the amazing fortune of bestowing blessings on me in surreal ways.

I ran into an old friend from the original coffee club some 20 years ago. I got to catch up with him sharing stories and our plans for the future. Hard to believe that 20 years ago, he was in his early 40s, and I was in my late teens. Today we shared advice and lessons that we felt would help us in our journies and business. I enjoyed catching up over a cup of coffee and cookies.

I also got to catch up with my coffee shop friend. Always nice to be able to have conversations about ideas and topics you can’t normally have or get to in these politically correct days. Conversations like that make me feel like Plato getting to walk and talk about philosophical ideas.

All things work out, this will be the last year of my academic carer at the University of Wyoming unless I go forward with my master’s degree. The amazing thing about this semester is that for the first time, I don’t feel I am in the academic race alone; I am truly a part of something. I am going to school with not only my little sister but with the kids of people I graduated highschool with. For me there are fewer things in life that bring as much joy then pushing yourself academically and learning new ideas concepts and diciplins.

I had a hart warming conversation with my adopted mom about life, and what it means to be going off to college. That feeling of being able to finally start to define who you are and what your about without haveing an umbrella over head in a safe environment to experiment, stumble and occasionally fall. I missed out on that experience of move in day and dorm life, instead I went to school at a community college and stayed at home and when I attended university the first couple of times I stayed in an apartment.

The closest thing I experience to move in day and the magic of move in day at the dorms is when I went to Tokyo for the first time. How I meet the first moments with fear, and anxiety but as I slowly gained my barings, and feet under me I found that that it was a good fear and good anxiety. By the end of the first day I was over my fear and anxiety, it had been replaced with joy and excitement. There is no reason to have the same feeling and usneassness of the future be meet with the same magic as I did with Tokyo.

I’m working on a poem that talks about the idea of when we lost our sense of self, adventure and discovery replacing it with fear complacency and doub allowing it to control our lives and our sense of the future. A voice echos in the back of my mind reminding me what it means to be a hero to myself, and what it means to stand up for myself. I find it amazing how many people want to stay in that world of fear and doubt. Life and the desire to live has been lost like our belief in magic and the unknown.

I am excited about finding and making that magic again and painting that future with the same positiveness of Tokyo and my discovery of life there and self discovery. The neat thing about life is that at different stages in life you get to discover, explore and put out there into the world your own your own ideas and philosophies in order and in attempts to make it a better place.

A day in the life keeping ahead of the game.

I have been working hard on the hero’s journey since finishing the first chapter. With it, summer school has started a demanding pace of quizzes and projects. Some might say that Informational accounting systems are a boring class. Still, looking at data and turning it into meaningful information to make decisions I find to be not only fun but also very informative.

I have also made a point to work and produce more artwork and take that further than I had last decade. I admit that I could have done more with my art but never really set about doing so. The most exciting thing about my first show is that I had enough artistic expression to fill an entire gallery with my work. I have fallen in love with the collage picture that I am currently adding to in hopes of showing it off and allowing it to take up an entire wall. I still intend to add elements of pairs and another Gundam.

I am also working on some poetry for the June slam. With everyone writing about love and heartbreak, I thought I, too, would try my hand at the topic of love. Like Vivaldi’s four seasons, I thought I would write four pomes depicting different elements of the idea. As for my upcoming thoughts, I have in mind thus far.

Spring: because everything is in bloom, I decided that I would write about what is love, and what makes it so unique 

Rainy season: will be a short story depicting two ideas, one a whimsical notion of being and the other about finding magic on the side of the mountain.

Summer: Love doesn’t have to be any one thing love is everything, love is happening, and love is all around. I want it to be known that love comes from a deep passion and love for life.

Fall: So many people fall in love, and many drop out of love. I want to write and articulate the ideas of falling out of love and what causes that to happen.

Winter: What it means to be heartbroken and to have your heartbroken. I can’t say that I have ever been heartbroken because I can’t honestly say that I have ever been in love. I have been caught in being in love, and I lost myself in that idea.

Walking the daily beat of life is no easy task, and grinding it out today is not for the faint of heart. The real heroes show up every day and give it everything they got.

These are the words that echo in the back of my mind as I embarked on the beginning of my journey. Again I was unhappy and displeased with life and the way it was unfolding enough to get caught up in the whimsical notions of going back to the oil field, attending school, and making lots and lots of money. In trying to figure out my direction, and my place in it I asked many of my positive friends to help in figuring out the Hero's journey, even if that meant simply believing in me and my first few steps along the path.

What sparked the journey in the first place was the fact that I was already having problems reading the magic and Karma to life and putting my own back into it. I was reminded that the world was a different place and that we were not the same because of it. There was no returning to the life I knew in 2018. After being discouraged with work and my working conditions I was prompted to go back to the oil field, and immediately got caught up in the idea of money and dumping off my problems. This time I had planned on going back at a much higher level, but would still be putting my life on hold for a certain period of time. I started to put out into the universe ideas and notions and started to watch reality react and begin to manifest into a job in the oil field and into greater lines of thinking and a deeper sense of being.

I asked a friend to believe in me and my hero's journey, to put positive waves of thinking and positive Karma out into the universe for me.  My friend welcomed me with warm vibes and keep me in her prayers in manifesting that reality.

My best friend told me that I should know that you eventually become married to the job, where it becomes a love-hate relationship.

My brother asked me if I saw this course of action getting me any closer to my dreams, or was I fooling myself into thinking that I was getting somewhere, and being something simply because I was making large sums of money.

Another one of my dear friends told me their story about being fired and going back to their place of graduation in hopes of getting a job.  The response she got was the advice she gave to me, "are you coming back here because it is easy, if you are then you are potentially doing things for the wrong reasons.  If you're making an impact on the people there don't you think that your talents and energy are where they are supposed to be?”

I was amazed when I told one friend of my plans, and their overwhelming support and desire to help out and to do everything in their power to aid me on my journey. I was amazed when he told me that I was the smartest friend he had.  That made me think to myself what am I doing?

When I went down to my coffee shop family to discuss life, my plans, and my philosophy about everything I was welcomed as a family member, that my presence would be missed, and that I needed to stay in touch regardless of what happened.

I even took time out of my day to go down to the river to put forth my thoughts out into the world and allow for the stillness to speak and to listen. The morning was warm, and crisp, without a breath of wind. My coffee was still hot and nearly full making for a morning worth writing home about.

Then in the last-minute debacle between me, my brother, and his girlfriend lines were drawn and decisions were made to scrap the entire project. Sometimes the universe conspires to create the answer aside from my own desires.  All I am left to do is take the answer the universe provided and run with it, as its truth is universal and tangible beyond my own doing. The one idea that encompassed my entire thinking was a line from a speech that keep getting played over and over in my head.  "Why does Rice play Texas? Because it is hard." The idea of doing something hard best measures our abilities and our shortcomings. I was taking the easy route thinking that throwing money at my problems and ambitions would best further me and my ambitions. 

I would gladly make a deal with the devil but I will never do business nor include a witch in my doings.

Fully convincing myself that the oil field was not the answer was no easy task but it was the right decision non the less.  Sometimes the hardest answers are oftentimes the most difficult things to take on board let alone fully understand. With one phone call, I forever changed my life and set out on a course that would forever alter my life.  I declined the job, and as I did so I had a heavy feeling weigh over me.  Inside I felt like I wanted to cry, sick with the feeling of wanting to throw up, and the desire to just outright die. This decision didn't just impact my dreams but every aspect of my life compelled me to be an entirely different person altogether. There would be some who would join me in the journey and there would be others who would be left at the station, and some still left behind altogether.

I think of the biblical verse that argues the idea of when I was a child I spoke of childish things and I did childish things. I have to leave behind a life and a sense of being and begin a new sense of being altogether. I know I will have my skeptics and my disbelievers along with many other people in my life, but I also know that I will have just as many people in my life to believe in me and be a part of everything that I am and am about.

For so long I have been surrounded by people with negative thinking and a negative way of being that has severely impacted me and has left a running theme of negativity in my own life.  These people have cast a cloud of haze and gray over everything and everyone that they have come into contact with and encountered.  often times we are fooled into thinking of something else, believing in a positive tomorrow because every now and then we get those glimpses of sun rays and the clouds parting. 

The intermission was a period of time of self-reflection and regrouping, and properly processing everything that I have been through and had to make sense of or at least accept in order to move on. I spent a great deal acknowledging the unfolding reality and questioned whether there was anything I could do about it. Maybe I was paralyzed with doubt and fear of what to do and where to turn. People crying out to abandon ship did not help matters only reinforced the negative aspects. And, being made fun of did not help to build a positive version of myself, a version that was ready to face the unknown and uncertainty.

Chapter one was about finding direction and laying down real plans, but most importantly scrapping the negative thoughts and leaving behind those who did not share the same hope for tomorrow that I do.

If chapter one was "The hero Journeys begins," then the second chapter is "The work that is to be done."

There is no doubt that the metamorphosis will be one of great internal conflict and even greater adversity meet along the way of transforming into the person that makes and know the dreams dreamed a reality.  The only way in which I will wear egg on my face is if I stop here just short of the goal, if I give up and rollover.  The only way I lose is if I stop believing in myself if I stop trying, and if I stop dreaming.

Monday begins classes again for the summer, along with all my other lofty ambitions. You be assured I will be working harder than I ever have before. I owe it to myself to make for a reality that is everything and so much more.

The words of Dylan Thomas echo in the back of my mind.

In just a matter of moments, everything changed for one of my friends. After coffee, my friend suddenly slumped over the wheel of his truck. Luckily he was not alone and was in the parked position when everything happened. The cause was a stroke. Because he was with friends and close to others, help was not far away, and the effects of the stroke that he had suffered there in his truck were minimized, but not without taking some life.

After not seeing my friends at coffee, I found out he was being treated in a local rehab facility. I decided to go and see him and catch up, making sure he was alright. I sat with him and caught up by his bedside before joining him for dinner and more conversation.

I couldn't help but think and feel the loneliness fall upon us as we sat there. I had questions but didn't want to ask because I already knew the answers somehow.

As I sat there and watched the other patients come in and sit there alone along with my friend, had I not been there, I couldn't help but feel death sitting there in the corner waiting unobstructed by time or any other obstacle. The feeling was cold and lonely, and all I could hear in the back of my mind was the poem written by Dylan Thomas. When I thought of my friend, his life and his accomplishments, and his life now, I began thinking of my own life.

Time is genuinely the only thing I have worth of anything, but when I think of the end of life, what are all the experiences, journeys, and even worth. The quick answer that I give myself is to live an extruding life. To take chances and live my life to its fullest. Time, what is it worth, and how does that translate to my practical sense of being.

I sleep for eight hours, work for eight hours, and am left with eight hours. Sure I give and take here and there with my time, but I give up a quarter of my life to make money and make money for someone else. A friend at breakfast this morning summed up the argument nicely. They don't make money, nor do they get decent benefits, yet her boss made over a million in revenue last month. If I consider the amount of time I give up for that, I should ensure that it's for the right reasons.

When you consider the way things are going in the market right now, the coffee company Starbucks is starting to pay $15.00 an hour, and for personal shoppers in some Walmarts, pay is upwards of $17.00. This pay inequality is causing some people to start to ask about the opportunity costs gained and forfeited seriously.

When I think of the life required to live that dispels the misery that I saw and felt in my heart; I hear you can't just live a life; you have to live an extraordinary life. I think of my heroes and the energy they lived and carried, the meanings that those actions carried, and how they might shape and impact my life. The events over my friend have moved me to reach out and make contact with friends from my past. I intend to reach out to reconnect, but I intend to be a better friend to those I talk to and to nature the friendships that I am forming. I am genuinely interested and vested in their lives and genuinely want to share and be a part of their world as much as I have them a part of mine.

April has been a month where I had planned for change; I didn't expect it to take shape in this form, yet here we are. I intend to put good Karama and magic into the world. I refuse to let the negative influence me and my decisions, nor do I want to let it wash over me and take my dreams, hopes, and aspirations out to sea. The world is already a hostile place and, with it, negative people. I want to live my life like my heroes, and because of that, I start on a hero's journey.

In May, I will reach the halfway point in this period, known as the intermission, and move into a new period of growth, restoration, and prosperity, a renaissance of the mind, spirit, and sense of being.

life is an amazing journey filled with amazing people

I have been away for what seems like a lifetime, but only two months have passed by in reality. I feel like I have lived several lives in but a blink of an eye. There was a moment that left me spinning. The moment is like those movies you watch where you know something important is being said to one of the protagonists, and as they listen, the sound begins to drownd out, and you're left with a song playing.

I remember being frustrated and mad about the events that have occurred to me. There was nothing that I could say because we all knew the truth. I felt like we were all in the forest, and even though we all knew we were lost and could see the trees, we didn't dare talk about the trees or being lost.

When the moment passed and reality came rushing back to me, I said I wasn't going to be mad, and I wasn't going to be upset. I decided that I would put good karma out into the world. After work, I went down to the book store and bought a friend of mine several books. The message of the books was all the same but told in different ways: ways which I knew would reach her, her family, and her team. I felt that that positive force would go out into the world and return to me in ways that I could only imagine. Sometimes in life, you have to do good and put good into the world and let that magic manifest your reality.

A few weeks later, I meet someone who has this wonderful disposition and magic that radiates from them. Magic that made you say, Yes, Yes to life! For no other reason, I wanted to share my art with her, and for no other reason, I stopped and asked, "for no other reason than wanting to see a piece of art would you like to see a drawing."

We found that we both have a love for Japan. With such a fantastic connection, I decided to contact a friend from Japan and catch up. Like magic coming back to me, I was surprised to find out that they had sent me a gift some time ago. The gift I got was a box of Kit Kat's and Boss Coffee. I couldn't keep all this magic to myself, so I decided to gift some of it to this amazing person.

The act of giving and being kind is the closest thing I can come to regarding the magic that I found in Japan. Plus, there is something magical about sharing with someone who loves Japan. We went to coffee and caught up about life and japan. We shared ideas and thoughts and our love for anime and Japan. We never did talk about politics, religion, or the other trivial tripe.

It's fantastic to meet people who share the same interests and a love for life. Most people are so caught up in life that they miss it altogether, or they are so busy wearing an identity being something they are not that they are constantly searching for something. I was left with a good feeling about life and everything coming with longer and warmer spring days. The sentiment is fantastic, sharing the journey and ideas, simply living a day in life to its fullest.

Though the road ahead is unknown, I am excited about traveling down it before the sun rises and beginning the next big adventure. I am ready to get this intermission over and start the next big act. To do that, I will need a fantastic team of believers. When I thought about changing the world and the dreams I have dreamt, it meant creating a dream big that made everything possible. As I look at the sun and feel the warmth on my face, I can't help but believe in the reality of actually knowing and feeling the embers of the sun.

Why I am unhappy.

Am I in love with Japan, or am I in love with the idea of Japan? I am in love with the idea of Japan. I will never have nor experience things if I stay here and remain what I am. One thing is for sure, there is no culture to support and facilitate such whimsical ideas that I have about life here, nor is there a mentality that understands or comprehends the depth and complexity of such notions.

When I left for Japan and L.A. twice, even Turkey, I came to know magic, unlike anything I had known before. Although I knew that something like this magic existed, it was a magic that called to me something I had longed for and had constantly been searching for; although I came close several times, I came up short each time. The magic was the profound sense of freedom that says, "there's nowhere you can be that isn't where your meant to be." If you got on the wrong train, it was the right train because you had nowhere you were supposed to be. Everything that happened was a part of the journey. If you wanted to stay somewhere longer, you did so; if not, you moved; life was as simple as that. A few times, a voice said, turn left or go here, and I did. I have never been disappointed when I have listened and followed the voice or the magic.

The magic of being unscripted allows you to fill the day with your story; you are the main charter and the hero to your own story. You don't have to be anything or anyone; you can sit and let the dream create your future. If you don't think life is scripted, try telling yourself that at 3:30 a.m. as the alarm goes telling you it's time to start the day to another episode of the Misery Beat. When life is unscripted, everything is so much more vibrant, leaving you seeing life as if you saw it for the first time. In those moments when life was unscripted, you could hear the voice in the silence, my voice. Spite living in a landlocked state; I love using surfer analogies, which is most appropriate. "In life, sometimes the surf is up and sometimes the surf is down, but as long as I catch a wave now and then when everything was worth it." You can catch the occasional wave when you hear the voice, but even bigger waves make the hardships and enduring times worth it.

One thing that added to the magic when I did find it was that I was incredibly thankful and happy to be a part of everything. I was genuinely interested in knowing everything I could about everything. Everything wasn't just new to me but left me with more questions about life, myself, and everything I thought I knew. People reacted to that sort of magic, making them feel famous and exciting, leaving them with a profound sense of being. Most people here and now wouldn't even notice if they passed by themselves. If you know the movie Fear in loathing in Las Vegas, you know what I am talking about when Hunter S. Thompson passed by himself in the Matrix, saying, My God, there I am."

We all lose ourselves to the white noise of life and its many tropes at some point or another. Spite attempting to be original unique, and spontaneous, we are ground down until we conform to the M.A.D.ness of the constant churning of reality. Over time we become unsettled in our ways and shrink back from the limelight until we become a faint flicker of light compared to the once brightness at which we shined.

If the poem went, do not go gently into the night, but rage, rage, rage against the dying day; today, the poem would resemble something along the lines of do not try but give in, accept the way things are. Change is not meant for our complacency and conformity to what we are.

I like to think of these tropes that we resign ourselves to as putting our heads into boxes upon boxes. Each box is a different layer of expectation either by nature of the trope or by someone else's expectation. We are many things though out the day and throughout our life. We forget that we are a construct of ideas formed over time; these ideas are defined by what they mean to us and what they mean to other people.

Society hasn't made understanding constructs any easier as in recent times; many have been redefined and reinvented, challenging previously held axioms. People themselves have become jaded towards one another and push one another way.

So, when I take my head out of the box and look around at the world, the same old question comes back to me, where do I fit in, and where do I want to fit in.

Anymore I am plagued with the question, what does it mean to fit in and belong. I was not made to bury my head in the sand and wait to take it out now and then to see and enjoy the sunrise and feel the warmth on my face or the feeling of living life while being a part of it rather than watch it pass by my window. Everyone around me has resigned themselves to this sort of institution-like way of thinking and being, so I think of forming my institution, but ask myself what I have to conform to and become to do so.

All I can do is carve out a small piece of reality to make my own and hope to share it. At this time, the most significant thing I can risk is not taking a chance at all. I plan to dream bigger and make my reality more real until it eventually absorbs other facts and reinvents all things altogether. I am inspired by those who came before me who faced the impossible before me. Everything is impossible until it isn’t.

Every now and then I climb the mountain top and peer out to see the other mountain tops and to gaze down and to say out loud, “the madness is over there,” before climbing back down and getting back into the swing of things.

Are you alright?

Recently I have been asked if I am doing ok, or just ok in general. I give them a funny look and think what an odd thing to ask. I want to ask why are you not ok? Because all things considered I feel that I am doing great. I do not apologize that at times my satire shows through the mask that I wear in order to be accepted or is required of me to be something I am not all the time. Often when I am being asked this question I can’t help but think of the rant of Howard Beale on the TV show Network

I don't have to tell you things are bad. Everybody knows things are bad. It's a depression. Everybody's out of work or scared of losing their job. The dollar buys a nickel's worth, banks are going bust, shopkeepers keep a gun under the counter. Punks are running wild in the street and there's nobody anywhere who seems to know what to do, and there's no end to it. We know the air is unfit to breathe and our food is unfit to eat, and we sit watching our TVs while some local newscaster tells us that today we had fifteen homicides and sixty-three violent crimes, as if that's the way it's supposed to be. We know things are bad - worse than bad. They're crazy. It's like everything everywhere is going crazy, so we don't go out anymore. We sit in the house, and slowly the world we are living in is getting smaller, and all we say is, 'Please, at least leave us alone in our living rooms. Let me have my toaster and my TV and my steel-belted radials and I won't say anything. Just leave us alone.' Well, I'm not gonna leave you alone. I want you to get mad! I don't want you to protest. I don't want you to riot - I don't want you to write to your congressman because I wouldn't know what to tell you to write. I don't know what to do about the depression and the inflation and the Russians and the crime in the street. All I know is that first, you've got to get mad. You've got to say, 'I'm a HUMAN BEING, God damn it! My life has VALUE!' So I want you to get up now. I want all of you to get up out of your chairs. I want you to get up right now and go to the window. Open it, and stick your head out, and yell, 'I'M AS MAD AS HELL, AND I'm NOT GOING TO TAKE THIS ANYMORE!' I want you to get up right now, sit up, go to your windows, open them and stick your head out and yell - 'I'm as mad as hell and I'm not going to take this anymore!' Things have got to change. But first, you've gotta get mad!... You've got to say, 'I'm as mad as hell, and I'm not going to take this anymore!' Then we'll figure out what to do about the depression and the inflation and the oil crisis. But first, get up out of your chairs, open the window, stick your head out, and yell, and say it: "I'm AS MAD AS HELL, AND I'm NOT GOING TO TAKE THIS ANYMORE!"

Just when I started to live life to its fullest, traveling the world, going to various conventions, and making genuine connections with people, everything was flipped on its head, and one of the slogans became, "The new normal, now, not forever."

I have been waiting almost two years now to return to Japan only to still be waiting with no sign of being able to go any time soon. In the meantime, I have watched many of my favorite places close down along with talk of tearing down the iconic capsule tower. In the back of my mind, I keep thinking please, please don’t close any more places before I return and know the magic one more time. I look forward to the day when I do get to return and walk down the streets of Akihabara and Ginza and hopefully know the magic I found in Kyoto once before.

After twenty some odd years of waging a peace action/war on terrorism Afganastain was left to its own fate which turned out to be a disgrace and this generation’s Vietnam. When I asked a few people what their opinion on the matter was they didn’t have one because they weren’t even alive in 2001. To many, it was just another day of news. I couldn’t help but feel like I was the only one who cared or remembered. Everyone keeps on working like the sacrifices and money spent in the last two decades meant nothing. Making sense of everything is hard if not impossible almost like the soldiers on the beaches of Dunkirk during World War II. One minute in combat waiting for ships to carry them back to England under fire and the next back in England like the war was distant and removed let alone relatable.

Covid - 19 messed with everyone mentally and emotionally. The world shut down and everyone went into isolation and socially distanced from one another to prevent the spread of something that we didn’t entirely understand. People literally wared over toilet paper causing it to become a scarce commodity. People and friends didn’t want you coming over, and there was nowhere to go as every business was closed or closed to gatherings. For many, this period of time was extremely lonely and left people with their thoughts and their identity whatever was good or bad. Two years later have we started to see things become somewhat normal other than people getting sick and worrying how they are going to pay their bills when they are not allowed to work for ten days

Several other side effects that were unexpected by Covid were the Great Resignation and the disruption in the Supply Chain. The Great Resignation has been proved to be an interesting dilemma for a lot of people. There just isn’t the quality workforce there once was. For a lot of individuals, they simply aren’t going to take the conditions that there were subjected to. For a multitude of reasons people have said enough is enough and have gone out and sought better for themselves, better treatment, better conditions, better benefits. I am often reminded of the “silent majority.” Only now, rather than people being silent about things they are taking action if it is no action. When I think of the idea of slavery I think of slavery of classes, and of capital. I sell my time in the form of unskilled labor at 8 hours a day and sleep 6 hours a day.

I did the math and I calculated it takes me 10 hours amount from the time I get out of bed to get to work and punch the time clock. When you consider all the other things we do and have to do it’s no wonder we go a little MAD. If you have debt you are surely not free, as you can account how long it will take you to pay things off in how much of your time you will have to spend. I saw a meme that said exactly that, that new hand back isn’t $150.00 it’s 10 hours of your time.

So in just three paragraphs, I have laid the groundwork for reasons not to be alright. Japan and the magic of life being put out and replaced with the daily grind. An endless cycle of war against someone and someones. A new normal now, not forever. Inflation, along with the great resignation and downward sticky wages. If the madness going on in the world wasn’t enough the amount of political correctness going is beyond me. Another meme said “Stop trying to cancel historical events/people just because they aren’t moral according to today’s standards. History much not be forgotten. Whether the act committed was good or bad, there is always a valuable lesson to be learned. The only way to prevent history from repeating itself is to be informed of the past.”

I find myself constantly having to make sense of the insensible. I am constantly left wondering where I fit in and where I want to fit in. I have said this to many people, there are many things I will never know and experience here because we don’t have the culture to support them. A basic example of the madness that no one speaks of is transportation in my hometown.

My town is one of those places where you absolutely have to have a vehicle in order to get to and from work as the footprint of the town stretches from one extreme to the other roughly a distance of ten miles. Easily this footprint would be lessened to between three and five miles. If you look at the size of Walmarts they could easily be much smaller if instead of making them one floor you made them several high. Public transportation does not offer reasonable hours for people to get to and from work. Many of the shifts start before the buses run and the shifts end long after the buses have stopped running. Why would I spend a lifetime trying to fix the problem when I could just so somewhere else where the problem is already fixed.

In close to all this madness I am reminded of the new blockbuster movie “Don’t look up.” I think it’s an amazing movie and very well done. When a comet is on a collision course for earth the motto is don’t lookup. There are a few who have acknowledged the truth but there is nothing they can do about it. In the end, this select group of people ends up coming together for a dinner simply living out their life enjoying their life to the best of their ability. This is a happy ending to not being able to change things and not allowing the madness to get to us, for people like John in the book Brave new world it’s quite the opposite.

I leave with a message that echoes from history

We are marching in a compact group along a precipitous and difficult path, firmly holding each other by the hand. We are surrounded on all sides by enemies and are under their almost constant fire. we have combined voluntarily, precisely for the purpose of fighting the enemy, and not to retreat into the adjacent marsh, the inhabitants of which, from the very outset, have reproached us with having separated ourselves into an exclusive group and with having chosen the path of struggle instead of the path of conciliation. And now several among us begin to cry out: let us go into this marsh! And when we begin to shame them, they retort; how conservative you are! are you not ashamed to deny us the right to invite you to take a better road! Oh yes, gentlemen! you are free not only to invite us but to go yourselves, wherever you will, even into the marsh. In fact, we think that the marsh is your proper place, and we are prepared to render you every assistance to get there. Only let go of your hands, don’t clutch at us, and don’t besmirch the grand word “freedom”; for we too are “free” to go where we please, free not only to fight against the marsh but also against those who are turning towards the marsh. V.I.Lenin What is To Be Done

There are many laters to life, as there are many layers to individuals. Each person is unique to their experience and understanding of life. This argument is only the Macro level, we forget there is the micro, where the greatest accomplishment for some people is being brave enough to get up every day and face the unknown being their own hero to their own story.

The Jounrey begins.

The week to figure everything out has come to an end and with it an amazing journey. I have had the opportunity to have amazing conversations. Saturday; I had the chance to catch up with a friend and ponder life and what was coming next. Sunday; I had the opportunity to have my artistic alley conversation with a friend. Tuesday; I meet up with my professor friend who offered me great life advice and insight into how he did life and made his dream a reality. Wednesday; I went to my friends house and caught up about the summer and everything that had been happening to us. Thursday; I got in touch with a friend whom I hadn’t got to talk to in some time. I was glad to catch up with her and to celebrate our return to school and a new beginning. I wondered who I would talk to on Friday or what would happen. If anything I could say that karma and life came back to tell me I was trying to move to fast, that I needed to slow down.

The weekend was the beginning of my new job in the world of coffee. I thought I would stop by the book store on Saturday. Yes, book-stores still exist here and there and fortunately enough there is one in my home town. The book I bought was Ikigai. The book that encapsulates the ideas about finding happiness and meaning in life. One philosophy I discovered recently that impacted my life is about fear and taking responsibility. I believe that most fear comes from uncertainty, and uncertainty comes from the inability to take responsibility. Once we take responsibility we become accountable. Most people, not all but a vast majority of people drift though life and allow purpose be assigned to them, handed to them or given to them, but never taken for themselves.

Purpose come meaning and meaning comes definition. Though definition the formless takes form, and the anxiety we use to feel over the uncertain dissipates as we take action rather then allow ourselves constantly be in a reactionary state.

Today I take responsibility for my dreams and begin to breath life in and make my own Ikigai. 566 Days until I plan on going back to Japan as to continue to journey. This is my journey, and this my story. at 4 Kanji a day that’s well over 2000 and at one grammatical lesson that at least 500 elements of language. Grand ambitions and grand plans. I set sail tomorrow morning at 0400.