Be careful where you find answeres

Just the other day, I posted a cheeky post on one of my social media accounts that talked about the vaccines that were starting to roll out in response to pandemics. The post generalized my understanding as it has been explained to me on several occasions. I surmised that your DNA was unzipped code entered and rewriting the DNA to be covid resistant. This idea is something that I have heard of before on the TV show Batman Beyond wherein in several of the episodes, kids were experimenting with gene splicing with animals. These new hybrid humans were known as splices. I followed up my post by asking if the people who got the vaccine technically make them splices.

I imagined that someone would say something, but I wasn’t expecting the response my post solicited. There was a link to a youtube video describing the process and explaining anything that wasn’t clear or to clear up any misconceptions in the response.

I deleted my post to spread misinformation or lead others astray, but the post and response got me thinking. A few years ago, there was a huge campaign regarding false news and the idea of fact-checking, let alone sponsored media. The second thing I thought is who funded this youtube channel got me thinking about who is writing the script and what agenda this message has. I feel that neither one of us are correct, and neither one of us are wrong.

I am not a scientist, nor is anyone I know of that is close enough to say that I trust their opinion. Everything I know about the pandemic is having someone; usually a professional, tell me what I need to know. Even news is portrayed with an opinion and an agenda. This argument is starting to feel reminiscent of André’s conversation with Wally about the man with the acorn. For most people, accepting being told what is and isn’t is good enough, and why shouldn’t it be? Most people never question the reality; they follow right along, but the truth is in the linear logic that begins to unravel for those who pay attention. Those who watch the unraveling are left to wonder why you would continue to put your faith and trust in an organization or at least not question everything when you have at times been lied to or deceived; if not to us, then to the world.

I think back to another cheeky post I made some time ago that talks about the truth. The post depicts Joseph Gorrbles saying to his cohorts referencing the news and saying that’s some good propaganda. Later at the party, one of Görrbles closer friends comes and askes him privately whats the real truth to which Görrbles responds I don’t even know anymore.

The old statement is true because people only understand based on their experience; should they lack that experience, then an experience must be provided or created for them, or at least a framework where such ideas can be made understandable, when you think about a whole world created for people to operate in, along with ready-made problems and solutions.

If anything, the entire argument reinforces ideas that I already knew. When someone isn’t familiar with a subject or field, fear can cause people to act irrational and leave them looking for answers. Just be careful whom you find the answers from and what form they come in. Most importantly, trust no one.

Supporting your friend in the things they love

One thing in life that makes me utterly happy is seeing my friends happy. Not all the times do I like what they are into but, that doesn't matter. What is important is that I get to share what they are about and who they are. A master craftsman with 1001 talents seemingly found his place after thinking there wasn't one or that there was no one else out there like him to share his passion.

I didn't tell him I would be showing up at his venue; I just did. I know he was surprised that I showed up, but I wouldn't have missed it for anything. I supported my friend, just like he was there to support me when I had my art show. I love our friendship and cherish the time we spend creating or watching the master at work.

There have been times when years have passed by, and we still manage to connect and catch up as if no time at all has passed. Though we share some interests and some interests, we do not, as artists, we can appreciate each other's work and talents. For me, as a friend, it's essential to find a way to bridge that gap and share with him a form of his craft. The first thing that comes to mind is that Period in Japanese culture known as Edo.

What happens when you don't work out properly

I have this friend that is a health nut in the most positive way possible. Every day she is up before the sun and out in her studio meeting her daily goals. My friend is there every step of the way with her team, supporting and encouraging them. From time to time, my friend opens up and admits that she's not perfect, that she gets down, has her off days. Talk about a genuinely humble and sincere individual. She pushes herself to the limits for herself and her team, but she also sets a fantastic and excellent example for her family and friends who know her. To me, she is one of my heroes. I admire her hard work and her effort giving everything she puts her mind to 100%. I have the goal of being afforded to work out with her someday and perform some of my signature workouts; more than that, I hope to share in person the elementary goal of achieving a particular dance that would showcase all my hard work and accomplishments.

I attend the gym regularly and work out. I also live a modest life, not taking chances like snowboarding or skiing. I try not to do things that are out of the norm of my abilities as I need my body to work to go to work and collect a paycheck. However, living a safe life doesn't mean not going to get hurt. I woke up the other morning with a stiff neck after sleeping wrong. To make things worse, I had changed up my routine while swimming. As if to add insult to injury, I went to my friends' house, an avid knife maker and thrower. We talked about some of the dynamics and mechanics that go into throwing in various styles.

He found my throw unique because I flung the knife as if coming from an upward swing. I mentioned that I threw in the manner that I did because it hurt my shoulder far less. Side note, I injured both shoulders badly when I was in the oil field. The old saying about the oil field is right, "It's a young man's game."

The next morning I was in severe pain. Everything added to a major twist in my back that caused my neck, shoulder, and back to hurt. I did some research regarding my back and shoulder but didn't find any reassuring information. Monday, a week later, I broke down and went to the doctor. The Doc didn't have to tell me that I was tense; I could already feel it. To help with the muscle pain and to relax it, the doctor prescribed two medications. Several days since I went to the Doc I still have pain and aches in the areas relating to my back and neck.

As for doing anything lately, it's been miserable. Either I am too tired from not sleeping, or my back hurts and prevents me from moving. Sure being laid up is frustrating, but it's also a moment in which I can reflect. The first thing that comes to mind is, "A willow branch doesn't break in the wind but sways." This experience has told me to slow down and focus on the core elements and build from there, namely stretching.

I admit I have taken my body for granted expecting it to work, sort of like how I wish my car to start and go every time, even in the negative temperatures of winter. Even in winter, I start my car and let it idle for a minute allowing for the engine and critical components to work correctly. We take for granted that we forget that our head weighs the same as a gallon of water; that the muscles I mentioned are what keeps it stable and stabilizes as we move and operate.

I can remember another time when I overworked my back muscles to the point that they ended up pinching nerves in my back, resulting in me losing complete control of my legs and my ability to walk. It took weeks before I could walk again without any noticeable pain.

For not, I am taking things slowly as I recover and heal. In the meantime, I am focusing on stretching, eating right, and planning my grand comeback to the gym. Only this time, I will be approaching the idea of working out very differently. I am not in a race with anyone, only on a journey of wellness and happiness.

I would say to my friend this: as hard as you go, make sure to always talk about the next stage of training and iron out the dynamics and groups of muscles that the body requires to accomplish new goals. Time and time again, I have seen people work out and stay healthy randomly suffer from what I have been talking about all because they allowed the simple details to escape them.

Please stay safe and stay healthy, my friends.

Lines and standing in them

Just the other day, I was standing in line waiting for my laté at one of those cheeky cafes found inside many retail stores when I noticed a sign. The sign read, "if this line is at capacity, please check back when another social distancing spot opens up." I had experienced this sort of phenomenon when I was at the L.A. Anime Expo in 2018 and 2019. In 2019, for the four days, 350,000 people descended on the L.A. Convention Center for the annual Anime Expo. Not only were there lines to get into the main convention center, but once inside, there were even more lines to contend with and navigate. The main hall hosted booths and vendors selling every kind of merchandise, from pre-release to ultra-rare limited edition robots and action figures. Some vendors set up complete stores with their own separate entrance from the main convention.

I remember my first time attempting to get in line. There would be someone standing there with a sign telling everyone that the line was capped that people should come back when the line became uncapped. The only problem was that you couldn't wait around nearby until the waiting-line opened. At first, this was attempted but was quickly squashed due to the number of people starting to hang out. I pretended to be shopping nearby, and after several failed attempts, I managed to get in line, to wait another 2.5 hours in line to get inside to find that most everything was already gone. That year I also experienced lines that started where they ended, stretching over one and a half. I could step out of my hotel and step into line. The line weaved back and forth, around the Staples building and down several streets. At one point in the convention, I stopped to look out and take in the crowd. I felt terrible for the people who had taken the time to dress up only to stand in the warm sun for what seemed to some an eternity. I had made plans from my 2018 adventure to get in and go right to my booths before lines of buyers filled and capped the lines. Even with a plan, I was still stuck waiting, but this time I didn't have to wait seemingly forever.

If Covid-19 is sticking around, then how we conduct business and present ourselves has changed everything regarding our sphere of influence. If the line now can only handle 3/4 of what it used to, then it's fair to say that profits have been cut by 1/4 as well. For example, if a business was making a go of it by maximizing everything they could to serve as many customers as they could in a specific time frame and are now told that they have to practice social distancing and have to reduce the number of people that can be in the same room then to obtain the exact numbers something has to be done. Either they; one, the company has to evolve to meet the changing environment and society. What this means is they have to increase their operating hours to be able to service all the customers and cut the time it takes to service and helps customers to not only make the same margin but to increase the income, for now, additional overhead that is spent in keeping the business open and going where it would otherwise close.

Lego's and toys

Lego’s is one of those toys that virtually every kid knows about or of. Around for seemingly ever Lego’s have had an impact on kids and adults alike and still do to this day. Lego are unlike any other toy out there when it comes to playing. The uniqueness comes from not conforming to any one form of play. The tiny plastic bricks combined together to create even grander toys. Lego’s create an opportunity in the form of expression and imagination. Not conforming to one idea, one genre in the world of lego it’s possible to be anything and everything. If something doesn’t exist then it can be created out of bricks leaving the only limit is one’s imagination.

When I was in college I did a study on the benefits of playing with toys at any age. The simple interaction of playing with toys can take away stress and allow someone to reconnect with the simpler aspects of life. Often we get so caught up in the drama of the day to day life that we start missing out and losing our minds over small ideas. Sure we form hobbies in the form of hunting fishing boating, but how often do we engage our imagination.

Growing up it almost seems that there is no place for imagination or the world of fantasy that toys seemingly offers, especially the world of Legos. Most people subscribe themselves to the humdrum misery of the daily beat without giving anything beyond the chaotic moment. That is until someone is done with reality and in search of something much more, something that only the recesses of the imagination hold. Almost like a secret of rediscovering life once again. With that magic, I hope to find new beginnings and new ideas about living and being.

I am sort of taking a break from reality the mainstream version of it and focusing on myself and life to make for a better quality of life. In doing so I purchased some legos, some starwards, some notes. But in the lego world, you can have things like Shakespeare talk and have conversations with Alice from her adventures, or to French baker and his cute little dog.

That being said I wondered what might the conversations be amongst various characters and various individuals. What might everyone learn, what might I learn from such imaginary conversations. Another set I picked up was a set from the Lego Ideas series depicting steamboat willy aka Mickey and Mini Mouse. What a better way of telling one story and character development than a rendition of the movie Apocolopyse now. I choose this movie to capture the depth and vibrant characteristics of reality.

I am excited to bring about a chapter relating to the amazing world of toys. I also want to showcase my collections and toys I intend to collect here in the near future. Stay Tuned for the toys to come.

Un-had conversations

I often spend time thinking about friendship, and what it means to be friends on a lot of different levels. Lately, the thought that has gone through my mind is a friend is someone who calls another person up just to see how they are doing, and what they have been up to, and for some reason what their favorite color is. I also like the idea that a friend is someone you can share your thoughts and ideas with because you cherish their insight, their point of view, feeling that their answer will lead you to the next big discovery or bridge an already though idea together. I love the movie Diner with André for this exact idea. Not only does it have all the elements I’m talking about it also examines the inherent flaws in that idea. The flaw of not finding what you were looking for. Instead of finding answers, you were left with even more questions.

My current art piece that I am doing for recreation is one that I am thoroughly enjoying. Not only does it depict friends and acquaintances, after struggling with an idea for the background I decided to go with an idea that gabby did. In the background rather than there being one image, there shall be several. Tokyo Capsule Tower, The 1:1 Gundam, The Blue Mosque, Along with several other artists including myself. The ability to have everyone together will be amazing and sparks my curiosity as to what would those conversation be life and how would they go.

I suppose that these conversations could be called the un-had conversations. Stay Tuned for un-had conversations.

The chance coincidence of serendipity.

There are some things, events, and circumstances I don't attempt to make sense. Instead, I allow life to unfold as it may and follow it like following a current. In life, this philosophy has not only served me well but revealed a particular sort of magic to life that not everyone experiences or ever comes to know. One could go so far as to say that life in its moments is very serendipitous. Most often, this feeling, this instinct comes when I'm alone and seemingly tuning into the frequency of the universe, nature, and life along with other people resonating on the same frequency.

I believe and know to be true that all things resonate at a specific frequency. That is why if you move quickly enough, you can phase through a brick wall, at least in theory. None the less all things resonate on a frequency, vibrating, a moment in the process. Furthermore, I bleve all things connected; and can be reached by matching oneself to the same frequency, but instead of listening, either we tune out altogether, or people intentionally tune out to hear and believe what they want to.

The best example of following the natural resonance of the universe and good people is when I was in Kyoto in the summer of 2019. I had nowhere to be and no time frame in which I had to follow. Where ever I was, I was there. On several occasions, a voice of some sort said turn here, go there, and by doing this, I found myself at the very heart of the moment that was seeming made and crafted for me. I couldn't ask for a more fantastic time or happening then what I found when I let go and went with the current.

I would have to add that understanding the idea that all things resonate at a frequency and that all people, places, and things in life are connected is an idea that no one ever thinks or considers. When we learn to connect to the universe and tune in, we unlock unlimited potential and opportunity in the world around us and beyond. Too often, we get caught up in the distortion white noise of life that we rarely listen to anything, let alone anyone around us. The natural resonance is replaced by a chaotic vibration that begins to take its toll on our psyche and our mental health, taking a toll on our physical health. Keeping up with life and reality is as impossible as attempting to be yourself without getting caught up in the crossfire of reality.

You can begin to push yourself so hard that you start to feel drunk without ever taking a sip of alcohol. The world around you starts to become distorted into a warped sense of reality. During this time, you allow yourself to naturally check out as your body starts to reconnect at a base level of living and to be.

I admit I am no saint and am not immune to falling into the trap of reality. Currently, I attempt to have right wronged to the extent of losing myself even further to a reality that is as foreign to me as is the idea of becoming established in the reality in which I fight against, and for a good reason. I rely heavily on tuning in and allowing the natural frequency, which I have mentioned before, to guide me to where I am supposed to be, along with my focus as to detail that reality with my interests and personality.

The joy of changing a tire

There have been countless jokes made about the ability of a man to make a tire. I learned quickly in the oil field, changing tiers on truck trailers and heavy equipment was a way of life. The ability to change tires became so routine that I felt we could compete with racecar drivers in the pits, but that was work, and I am no longer in the oil field. I drive a nice Cadillac that requires lots of work and maintenance to run correctly and effectively. The cost of maintaining a vehicle is a small fortune. Still, it is necessary, considering that there is neither an effective public transit in place that accommodates the economy nor enough funding to support one.

The importance of making it to your job is unparalleled. Especially considering the events of 2020, with most of the country suffering from employment, and the rest struggling to keep their door open. When a flat tire strikes out of nowhere, it can be a recipe for disaster.

Even before I got off from work, my coworker told me that I had a flat tire, not the news I wanted to hear after working all night. I just recently bought new tires and new rims. My old tires needed replacing, and the rims were starting to leak around the bead. I got some nice rims that were black and reasonably stylish. I didn't consider that one; I needed a 7/32 Allen wrench to get the hub cap off, and secondly, I didn't have the proper socket set to take the lug nuts off because I needed the unique key and an adaptor.

I first started by getting an Allen wrench and getting the hub cap off and then my donut out and aired up. My coworkers offered help until finally, the head maintenance guy showed up, and I was forever grateful. Not only did he have a jack, but an impact gun and socket set. I also managed to find the key in my car, which was impressive, considering at first I didn't even know I needed it.

The next big obstacle was jacking the car up. Anyone who owns a Caddie knows how low to the ground they ride, and with a flat tire, the vehicle sat even lower. To get the car up in the air high enough, we had to reposition the jack and use three 2x4s before we had clearance. Finally, we managed to overcome everything and get the donut onto the car.

As I was at the tire shop getting my tire fixed, I decided to do what I had intended to do long before and adequately prepare. Before leaving, I ordered a tire and a new rim to stand in as a spare with the backup donut being a back up to the backup. After the tire stop, I went to the hardware shop and purchased a battery for my impact drill and a socket to hold the lug nut key. With the jack already included in my car, I have a fantastic set up ready to change a tire effectively.

Nothing is worse than spending downtime on something you would rather not be doing. Altogether, I spent over an hour with the tire problem. When I want to get a second job, I know how I can't have these setbacks.

The important take away is being ready for the unknown circumstances and having the proper tools and proper knowledge.

Believing something is there when theres really nothing there at all.

Most of the time we spend in life is superficial and wasted on meaningless, mundane things to get ahead or to hold are heads above water.  The most significant superficial waste of time occurs when we fool ourselves into thinking we share a friendship or a relationship with someone or someone’s only to find our relationship was biased on something completely arbitrary.  After the events and time together has expired we quickly become distant and eventually become once again strangers.  We mistake the time we spend together for something more because we laugh, we share details about our lives, and form an understanding of our cirumstances and build a comradery but lack any real depth or feelings for one another.

I talked about what friendship means along with what loving someone means.  When applied to this argument I think to myself how many times have I experienced true friendship.  How many people consider me a real friend and how many people do I consider to my true friend.  The most haunting question to me is how many people do I consider close to me but are actually complete strangers; and what quality of life is that?  The other haunting thought is out of the many lives I know how many friendships exists because I refuse to let go of the idea.

I think this this is why relationships fail after a certain period of time.  After a certain period of time it would seem that the superficial nature isn’t enough to carry the relationship or to propel it to the next stage or the next level; unless the individuals are just that superficial that they actually make it work, that or are a compromise is struck.  This however fuels another argument.  The compromise leads to one individual living a lie within themselves.  From first-hand accounts I have watched people get married who have yet to understand fully the depth and complexity of themselves let alone finish selling their wild oats.  This behavior causes one side to start living a lie within themselves; anyone pure and true who threatens the fragile idea of their relationship becomes a threat.

For the most part people will never delve deeper into the philosophies of life, and instead accept everything at face value.  A person can die on the inside attempting to keep an idea alive at the extent of reality crushing them.  Enlightened individuals are able to set aside differences and see through the façade as to see the genuine in others regardless of their own shortcomings.  We should never forget why we choose to go down the road in the first place.  If we always expected something in return, then we would be severely disappointed. At the same time, we should never let ourselves be treated less then we deserve.  People might now always reach us on our level but we should pay the resect to others as much as we expect to treated.  We change the world not by changing the world but by changing the world of one individual at a time; being there, genuine and honestly. 

As my life begins to evolve and take on new meaning I ready myself to let go of the ideas I have held on to in order to get ready for the next great leap forward.  I finally have school sorted out along with a new job, or I should say jobs.  I got to admit I am going to be busy, busy, busy. I also started seeing an amazing woman.  To balance life, I must let go and allow life to take me where I need to be and where I need to go.  I have two more piece of art to finish before the great beginning starting January 20th, 2020 with the start of the spring semester.  I also plan to focus in on my Japanese study of the language as it is my goal to pass the JLPT.  Lots of goals ambitions and dreams to be had with plenty of time to make them a reality in the fourth quarter and in the new year.

The depth of friendship

You would think the ability to make a genuine human connection would be possible. Still, with the recent events that have conspired in the world with technology and COVID- 19 with its social distancing policy, that idea is near impossible. I base this on the idea of connecting with people and taking into consideration their circumstances based on my experiences. I also consider what I am trying to accomplish here regarding a relationship and a conversation as I try to navigate it. My thoughts center on the now-iconic movie "My Dinner with André and the conversation that took place there.

The movie centers around two friends André and Wally, two theater actors and play-writes who became estranged from one another. After finally Accepting André's invitation to get together, the two finally meet up at a fancy New York restaurant where André began to tell of his life-changing experience. Before the conversation ever took place, Wally had heard several things about his friend and how he might have been suffering from a mental break down or mental illness. Wally had preconceived ideas that he was going into a dinner where he had to provide some insight as if to help his friend somehow, but by the end of the conversation would find that he was the one that received the help.

Andre starts by describing a random circumstance that led him down a road of enlightenment and self-discovery by letting go and running with it. André, a reasonably well-off family man with the help of his theater connections, met extraordinary people and experienced just as unique events and happenings, which ultimately changed him forever. The story that unfolds between the two of them becomes an existential look at life and on life. Not only do the two friends develop a comprehensive philosophy but even raise philosophical questions and problems but attempt to answer them.

The conversation works for two reasons. Both have the knowledge, awareness, and intellect to discuss such in-depth ideas and topics in the first place, and secondly, they have a common ground to build the framework of their discussion. The conversation and images are only so grand that they can only take place in the time it takes to have dinner. Wally can't spend any more novel time dedicated to such whimsical notions as his humdrum life is already waiting on him. As the film grows to a close, André succeeds in having his friend see a new way of thinking but is unsuccessful in changing the core way in which his friend functions. Yes, Wally leaves and looks at the city in a new way, maybe for the first time, but is unchanged by the conversation. Wally states how idealistic everything that André has mentioned but suggests how impractical his way of thinking is.

One of my last posts touched on people's lives and their lies in how the truth in original people has no place in others' lies. If that weren't enough, if I never reached out to my friends, then I would never hear back. I know that some people are neck-deep in keeping their reality together or working to maintain. I know people have kids, move on in life, and go to jobs to pay their bills, but the old saying goes, you will have time for the essential things.

I just reached out to a friend via texting because we had never really been a friendship that called one another. Throughout our acquaintance, we got together several times and had a wonderful time catching up. Now, that friendship has come down to a handful of texts—two that they could respond to and one that would just be left. I sort of feel like André with incredible ideas regarding life but no one to share. Even when I rose to the occasion to see my friend halfway around the world, the conversation regarding art ideas fell short of its mark. I still want to have those conversations with them and many other individuals, and rather than be upset or frustrated, I think to my self what a fantastic opportunity.

Just because people may not react in the ways I wish doesn't mean that I don't still impact them in some profound way. What André didn't see that the viewers did is that Wally wasn't the same after the conversation. As soon as Wally got home, he began to tell the conversation to his girlfriend with no doubt of adding his one ideas and philosophies. People may not react to my ideas and thoughts in the way I would like them to, but that doesn't mean that my argument and understanding is made less in any way. I will continue to work on my thoughts and ideas, and I will continue to share them with everything I have. I do this because I care about my friends and care about what their thoughts are and how they think and what their take is on the world.

Lastly, when you talk about changing the world, you begin by changing one person at a time. You do this by being genuinely true to yourself, and the best friend you can be by letting them know you care about their thoughts and feelings on the world and the world. Because through them, you too evolve. I'll be honest. I have no time or place in fake people's lives and if that means that my circle of friends grows smaller, then so be it.

Another new chapter in life

I put my entire self into my hopes dreams and goals, and I put my faith in making them a reality in a higher power. I do my best to put out positive karma or to simply not think or entertain negative thoughts as that is not the energy I wish to put out into the universe. The ability to put negative energy out into the world only brings back more chaos drama and discord. I often have to remind myself that I work on making my dreams a reality on a greater level. I go on to tell myself that everything is connected, everything resonates on a frequency and it’s merely a matter of tuning in and being heard as much as it is listening. When I heard from my friend the other day that she had my piece of art ready for me I was ecstatic. I would have the chance to catch up in November along with being able to share some of my own artwork with my friend that by the time I see them will be well over a year. If that wasn’t enough shortly after talking to my friend half way around the world another friend got hold of me wanting to go to breakfast or coffee. I couldn’t go at that exact moment as I was in the process of making finial arrangements for my new job, but after we went and had a nice brunch down town. We caught up in the short time that it took to eat our breakfast leaving me glad I was returning to my life. I had an amazing start to my day and was left with a positive feeling of the things that were coming my way. I started the day after hearing from my friends and less then a week the wonderful girl I had been talking to took a turn for a more serious relationship. My life it would seem is coming together in some ways that I hadn’t imagined or ever thought would manifest and yet here we are.

I have grand goals for the future of this page. I am just about ready to finish the back side of the album. The cover being the display for the A.A.A.B.M. Along with the cover being finished I would like to get FR hoodies made with the A.A.A.B.M. written down the side of the sleeve. Also I would like to get a hat made up along with a box that I saw at Fed Ex. Apparently you can have your logel or image printed onto a box. I thought how cool would it be if I were to put together a box of stuff that was all geared towards art and sponsorship of the movement.

As for the summer of 2021 I would not only like to go back to Japan but I would also like to host an art show downtown at a gallery downtown that I am particular fond of. I would like to feature my art work that I have bought from my friend from Turkey. My thoughts are having the Elements of Istanbul along with some of my other pictures from Japan featured and have the show depict Elements of the World. I think it would be amazing to tell a story other then what is going on in the world right now. Other pieces that I would like to include would be the recent pieces I have been working on, such as the women from the subway in super large form.

The biggest goal would be to get to Japan for a long period of time and not only take my girlfriend but to also offer a residency to my friend. I went and visited her in her element and I would love for her to come and visit me in mine. On the list of places to see Tokyo, and Kyoto a super must. I regret that I had to cancel my trip for march and again I am having to cancel my trip in October. This cancellation is only temporary and affords me the time to save money to make this the most amazing trip ever. When I consider what I am trying to make this next trip into I suppose it should come as no surprise that it keeps getting put off.

As another component to the art movement I am intending on creating AMR Studios dedicated to film and video-blogging. For that I will need a new camera, phone, and lap top. A lap top to do the video editing at the level and intensity that I imagine is nothing short of small fortune. The camera will shoot in 4k and a new phone is just as essiensuale. When you think that a cell phone isn’t just a phone anymore but a way of connecting to the world instantly its an asset all in it’s own. The memes that show all the gadgets that a modern cell phone is unreal. I know from experience my phone has become a tool unparalleled in my driver forward.

The Rittenour hour will be a four segment installment where I talk about various aspects of the different generas and topics I wish to cover. A pod cast of some sort in the distant future along with interviews with other inspirational figures and individuals. This is still in it’s infancy considering that I still have to figure out a studio and start writing scripts. The art of comics has helped when it comes to figuring out a story line.

As for now the goal is to make money and regroup financially and move forward wisely. With the oil field taking a nose dive like it did and then Covid-19 after getting laid off I decided on making a change in industry to ones that would always be there or were at least and still open when everything else shut down. As of now I got my first job and loving the experience and wealth of knowledge. The greatest part of it all is the fact that I am doing grave yards, 10 PM- 6AM. Switching from days and being off for over three months its been quite a shock to the system. I am just not starting to adjust to the turn around just in time to kick things up again. I have an interview Wednesday after work for a second job.

Wish me luck.

I love my friends.

When a friend has to lie about the fact that a friend did nice things for them to preserve what’s left of their fragile reality in order to prevent more chaos in their world that’s sad.  When a friend tells you that you can no longer interact with them and leave positive comments or do nice things for them because it interfered with their life and caused drama in their fragile reality.  

When a friend calls you and catches up for hours and ends the conversation by threatening you that if anyone finds out about the conversation they will burn you and have to power to do so this is also sad.  

And when I take up my new path my load in life will be lightened as I will not entertain such childish behavior nor do I worry about your opinion and my circle of friends will grow smaller.  

When I say I love you to my friends it’s not that I want to peruse a romantic relationship or have other intentions.  Love is; wanting to see others achieve their dreams, that they are genuinely happy in life, that they are safe and never experience calamity, that their life is full and rewarding, that they get to know and see the beauties of the world as I have come to know many of them.  Love is the thankfulness that you get to be apart of their life and know their happiness and attempt to be there in downtrodden times as a smile and someone always rooting them on.   

As a friend, there is no greater feeling than being apart of someone’s life genuinely in spirit and in shared random moments of life.  As a friend, I never have to worry about being something I’m not as there are no expectations nor worry about complicating things.  

As a friend, I get to genuinely share my world and vise versa with people who may not always find what your interested in as fascinating as you do but know you enough on how to reach out in meaningful and poignant ways at random and clever moments.  

These are ideas that I hold as values worth preserving.  And so when I let go of your hand and you retort why I tell you.  You have besmirched the grand ideas of love and friendship defining them in a strange way that allows only abstract notions acceptable.  Maybe I’m wrong but I can not go on being anything more then I am or something I’m not.

I traveled halfway around the world so that I could be apart of my friend’s world and to walk a day in her shoes. I wanted nothing more than to asker her questions regarding art and life. I rose to the occasion and went to her and put forth effort in truly and genuinely being apart of her life. I not only got to have my conversation but I got to have it over a glass of wine along with one of her amazing friendships. Beyond my wildest expectations, I also got to go to the gallery and see it before it opened along with a nice luncheon. Leaving was not easy, but I was thankful for the time that I got to spend with her. We still get together to this day and catch up and share what we have been working on artistically.

Rethinking life after oil

As I left Texas early the morning of June 8th I knew that this would be my last time in Texas working in the oil fields. I couldn’t help but stop thinking about the song get together. As I drove down the street the music played out in my mind paying as background music to my thoughts. I was one of the very first people who arrived for work to come. Rumors had turned into reality with the promise of more work then we knew what to do with. In the days leading up, I was able to secure myself a nice position to honker down for what I thought would be six months of work. In reality, I left a month and a half into my hitch. There were a lot of contributing factors going into a seemingly perfect storm that eventually led me to come home so early. I had lost a personal friend who succumbed to conditions that were out of our control, passing in the night doing what he loved most.

The desert and camp X-ray was a place that pushed you to your limits and then some. I watched grown men break down and fall to their knees crying over their personal lives go on and on. At one point a former boss pulled me aside and told me how proud he was of me for outlasting and managing to overcome so much. I did endure a lot and had to overcome much. Dealing with people was the hardest. The job brought people from all over the world and from all walks of life. For the most part, I made some amazing friends and people. Overall I came out of the oil field with a new and profound respect for driving in the winter and working outside in the elements.

Now my time away from has been used to get back to being myself. I gave up so much of my time for a job, but in return got to do things that I never imagined I would do in my life. The job and work gave me the opportunity to not only do amazing things but to go above and beyond making 2019 one of the best years of my life. When you think about it people do trips here and there but it would seem that the magic that they displace and shine into the world only takes them so far.

The idea of getting back to my life, my dreams, and my direction has been my top priority. I have put a considerable amount of time into making The A.A.A.B.M. that much more real. Nothing makes me happier than seeing it take off, almost like standing back from a painting or picture and taking it all in. Having been gone for so long and without taking the time to plan months in advance planning something for the next day was not an easy task especially when your often out of state working. I know this as I tried to entertain several relationships but to no avail. In any case, I made some more amazing friends and people that I am glad to have in my life. But, with getting back to my life so too was getting back to the reality of what I had missed out on for the most part. The girl whom I was interested in had already met someone and was now living with them. And the girl I dated seeing her every day was extremely hard.

Getting to see my friend live a life of luxuries and excitement hit me pretty hard especially seeing her get to fly around in her boyfriend’s plane. The feeling was only fleeting, and the thought has become a constantly evolving one at that. My plans and dreams have only begun and continue to grow. I admit that I had a rough spat there but I am back. I figured things out and put the rest into preservative.

Along with my own frustrations of the world and of things going on. I sit there and tell myself as I do others.

Have you ever played with lego’s and then when it was time to put them away you only put away the pieces of the superstructure and then finished up by cleaning the leftover pieces. Then have you played lego’s again and started to use some of the superstructures that you used from the time before to make your new creation. Then we wonder why our new creation has the characteristics of the past. The idea never occurred to us that to build and create something truly new, something truly creative and worth mentioning we much first take apart all the pieces to build something new.

Aside from some people that I expect to be philosophers and a few others that I value their opinion, I shared it with someone, only they were unimpressed and not taken with the complexity of the idea and what it was suggesting. That philosophy, along with the philosophy of “identity in space,” has changed my entire sense of being and doing, and because of that, I have to remain open-minded. My approach to life and my approach to being is the same, and isn’t like anyone else’s that I know. Most people walk and live a universal life filled with a few highs and lows but, for the most part, bounce back and forth between two distinctive definitions.

Even these people I know of thinking and seemingly living a life of luxury or extravagance have all fallen victim. The truth and the key to success are the Revolution, a spark of being, a spark of life contrary to what the world is putting out there. Especially in this time of day when everything remains uncertain and seemingly downtrodden. 2020 has been a roller coaster of emotions. Fires, viruses, quarantine, riots, political correctness, and so forth, and we are now only halfway through. This has even left me to question my own position and my own line of thinking.

First and for most I have decided to remain happy and embrace my life to the fullest. No longer letting people make me or cause me to feel bad about myself, who I am, and what I am all about. I am overall the people that think that if I am unhappy here or that I might be happy elsewhere then I need to leave I will have a go fund me account for people to donate to that cause. How I look is how I look. I will do my best to lose my weight and fix my teeth but I can’t easily change who I am after all I was born me. My interests hobbies and beliefs are mine as well. I make no apology to people who don’t know the world, or what resides in their world. When you take in the world beyond what you know and think you know you find that there is a world out there that has happened and is happening.

The ability to go through life and miss it is very real and very possible. often people get caught up in circumstances and situations that further limit their being.

Though my plans were changed dramatically from the get-go I still have not given up on making them happen and work. I can’t tell you how many times in the past I got what I wanted but it didn’t look like I wanted it to or it didn’t have the qualities I sought. Life has its own idea about how things will turn out and what qualities and characteristics they will exhibit. That’s the task trying and attempting to create something in a space that it’s self is constantly changing and constantly only a reflection of what it is. People hold themselves true to various ideas consciously or unconsciously of their own doing up until they become obsolete. To out of the common idea to be relateable or to have an understanding of relatability to what is going on.

I start back to school in August of 2020 to finish my path in CPA. I do not intend to be someone who works in an office in a cube doing stacks upon stacks of paperwork, I am using a degree in CPA to make my dreams have the necessary mechanism to operate and to begin taking off on its own. Along with that, as for content for my web page, I am going to start with what I got. I am going to feature my own town, pros cons, events. Casper Wy will be where I learn to tell the story of a city and it’s people.

Just a magical day of happenings

When you start to take action and work hard your dreams become noticeable more real. I was suppose to go to Japan in March though through the first week of April, but that was interrupted by the Covid-19 pandemic of 2020. Disheartened that I woudln’t be returning. To be honest I was worried that I would barely be getting, turning things over to collections, and entering into a dark time. Then I was informed that there was an epic wave of work that surfed would take me well into the next chapter of my life. I was most in.

As I thought about my dreams and how I was going to get to Japan to live I developed a plan. I would surf the wave as long as possible and keep with work for as long as it lasted even if it took me up until I go to Japan. The next phase is to acquire several things to add to my material wealth but designed to aid me in moving forward with my plans and dreams. The goal is to build an online social presence via YouTube depicting my journies, thoughts, and projects, along with featuring other artists of all sorts of various aspects from underground to the main stream. One thing that I would like to focus on is my study of the Japanese language, and how I figured out how to speak it fluently.

I intend to take the things I intend to acquire also be used to make movies and short films along with using them to work through, as all my schooling will be online this go around. Schooling is to happen in the beginning of the new year 2021. The goal of everything is to combine in 2.5 I jump off into the next book of my life. That book is to look a lot like this. I will be living in Japan namely Tokyo or Kyoto and loving every moment of it. I will have several short films and a dedicated blog and vlog following.

Today I booked my 2020 trip for my birthday. My 2019 birthday was amazing and beyond my wildest imagination. I went to Turkey to see my artist friend for my birthday to experience a day in the life and to walk in her shoes. This year I intend to celebrate the magic in Kyoto, Japan. I can’t wait to walk down the shopping district and see the crazy cute otters.

Along with my trip rebooked and planned out I am excited to add a few new stops to the list. Osaka will be a major stop along with Nara and the surrounding area. At this time lot of things are coming together in profound ways enough to say yes to even more life and more aspect of life.

Traveling back to my beloved country of Japan, exploring a different aspect of life, and entertaining the idea of a relationship. I never thought I would say that, a relationship, but life is too short not to say yes.

Akagi Sunrise. Finding my sunrise.

I saw a meme on my face book today that made me really take things in and think about life and my path I have taken up. The meme reads, “you’re scared to take a 4 year course because your’re 32 and by the time you’re done, you'd be 36. Wheather you take the courses or not, in 4 years time you’d still be 36” I just turned 37 and i intend to do just that, go back to school, but like I mentioned in a blog earlier I also intend on learning Japanese.

If I looked at the first part of my life a lot of time was spent on figuring life out. I went to college and attempted university several times before settling into the restaurant life where I eventually lost a good chunk of time and effort. The second part of my life would be one of those times that I could describe as being” a golden period. This Golden Age was and is currently my time spent in the oil field. Because of my job I have been afforded the opportunity to travel the world and much of the United States. Japan, L.A. and Turkey were some of my major highlights of having a good and amazing time.

The title to this blog is Akagi Sunrise as it is appropriately titled that as I am embarking on new journeys and opportunists. I was at first going to leave my job and go back to school in August up until a wave of work happened that is providing me the opportunity to move forward some of the original plans along with getting myself out of debt. Instead of August the launch date is now December with the ambition of launching in th new year 2021. With such change I am again frightful of the uncertanity and what is to come. As a way of delaing with this stress and anzity I tell my self I can just stay with my current job, but I know this isn’t that answer.

The oil field hit rock bottom not long ago reaching in the negative numbers rocking everyone involved. Not to mention the pandemic going on everyone has been in a state of flux, I believe that this is the last major go at making it big. At some point, I will be able to look back and see where the high water mark was before it fades away. That is why I am and continuing to make plans to set sail to new waters rather than wait by the shore waiting for that wave that may never come. The other thing I tell myself is that my body just can’t take it anymore. I hurt already and am thankful every time I get up and amble to move.

This hitch will be one of my last if not my last before I head out into the unknown and make my own certainty. The plan is to finish school and have my student loan paid off so I don’t have that hanging over my head. That I can speak Japenese fluently and pass the language test that Japan requires. Considering the Japan dream is to also go forward with my YouTube channel so that I might make myself and various ideas to a much larger market chiefly and namely Japan and Japanese business. If anything I intend to make my dream a reality and let me carry it.

Now each day I ask myself how can I best position myself so that I might move ahead. When I watch the sunset I think to myself the people of Japan are watching its rise and when it rises here I think it just came from Japan. I look forward to the future and everything it holds as I will keep on keeping on and doing my best. May I find my sunrise and may I never let it set.

Overcoming Uncertainty

There are many ideas that come to mind, even as I write now. I can’t help but think how each of us has been filled with some sense of uncertainty. Regardless of whether we have been directly affected by what’s going on in the world around us, we have all been affected whether we want to admit it or not. The thing about uncertainty is that life has always been uncertain. I just didn’t acknowledge the idea until it stood standing there mocking me, everyone really.

I took the last two years and turned a blind eye to many ideas making the excuse that I was doing important work, and that I was making a big paycheck. Not only did I not consider or embrace uncertainty I also stopped pushing myself. I was able to tune out and run with life again pretending that I was somewhere in life or something more than I was, but in reality, I returned to a place where I was the same as when I left, not to mention back to the middle of nowhere. Rather than returning to the beginning, I guess I could say I put myself further behind. In context, I got to do things I might never get to do again, and I got to experience things that people never experience in a lifetime. Those memories’ ideas and thoughts will carry in hard times and inspire me.

What does uncertainty look like? To begin, uncertainty has the look of waiting around for life happen with no guarantee all the while more and more time passes by. Nothing in life is a given when you want something you have to put your entire mind body and soul into things and go forward. Certainty looks like confidence that regardless of what’s going on there is always an answer and always something that can be done. There is no running and no turning, there is no worry only the dream and making of that dream. No one can tear me down and no one can take anything from me in the reality of that dream.

I use to fear what people might think of me, how I might look, I guess you could call it the Gatsby Syndrom. That I had to be something or rise to some sort of occasion to be accepted, to be loved. When in reality all I ever had to do was be my self and do my best. That comes with knowing myself.

A concept of home.

With recent events leading us to be left at home more and more often we have all been afforded the time for introspective thinking. My thoughts this time around have left me thinking about the concept known as home.

I use to think of home as being some actually place, maybe a place where I grew up. However, when my thoughts turn to those places I don’t feel that they come anywhere near the idea of home. I remember the old saying home is where the heart is. When I think of that simple idea I ask myself where is my heart, and when I find it there what odes it mean for me to say, “home is where the heart is.”

Yes, there is a place I can say I know where my heart is. One an actual place so to speak but both place and the idea of home exist purely in an idealistic form.

This place I speak of I consider home because when I was there I felt freer than I ever had before. I had never felt so free, no judgment, no expectation nor have I ever felt so accepted and so loved. I was genuine and sincere when I was there and that was reciprocated back to me. I could be the main charter to my own story or a background charter to another play being performed on the stage of life.

The other place I consider home is in the hearts and minds of those who are genuine and of those close I hold close enough to share my life with, as that’s the only place I can ever exist. A place where you are acknowledged and accepted, loved, known and not judged.

Now that I think about it, home is a space where the voiceless can construct an identity where people can also grow to accept and love themselves. They can be loved. To love a friend, to love a person to love a place is knowing happiness they bring in you. I think that many of us have an idea of that place “home” that we often lose ourselves chasing. Over time I think we lose the idea and begin chasing the idea of being home, further losing ourselves to the idea.

Home though is another place, a place that we construct within ourselves. We fool ourselves into think that, home is a place, a person that we can find happiness in but ultimately the heart and mind we must find happiness in most of all is ourselves. A space that it is our own, a space that is our of our own doing and of our own construct. Often we allow that space to succumb to the forces in and around us that we build an idea that isn’t really our own, and we never really find happiness chasing something that isn’t even ours to begin with.

I know that I too have a romantic idea of what home is and what home could be but that is evolving, as I learn to love the home within myself.

Tear Drops in the snow

The rain came down at a constant rate beating against my picture window as I read my book in the late afternoon. While sipping hot tea flaked out on the couch that was poised under the picture window atop the shag carpet I took a moment to listen to its melodic sound. The sky was seemingly filled with sadness and despair as the rain fell, but to me, the sky brought out the true beauty in the world showing off the true hues. The rain washed away the imperfections that had been left on it by the winds and time its self. I saw something most didn’t a beautiful sky that was just misunderstood. Rainstorms have always been one of my favorite types of weather, ever since I was a kid. I would spend hours looking out a picture window similar to mine only the view outlooked the river and vast fields of wilderness. I would daydream the day away just sitting there watching, listening. Listening to the beautiful balled, watching the drops streak across my window everything was perfect, even if just for that moment.

The temperature was beginning to fall, and even I got cold, but that did not keep me from the window. I went and got my favorite hoodie on to keep warm as to finish my book that was nearing its end, “spring and all” by William Carol William. By the time I finished the hour was late, and as I looked outside large pools of water had begun to start freezing over. I put my book down and laid back down and let my mind wander. Only a short time later my slumbers were interrupted when the front door opened.

Watching her walk in soaked to the bone, her hair dripping, and cloths drenched she was shivering as she fumbled with getting the keys out of the door. She didn’t say a word as she made her way to the bed room dripping all along the way across the hard wood floors. A few minuets later she emerged from the bedroom dressed in one of my college hoodies and a pair of leggings along with mismatched stripped socks. As she came closer the smile was clearly evident on both our faces as she sat down on my lap and in my arms. We kissed and caught up, but the weight of the day, and the rain took it’s toll on us leaving us to drift of to slumber land.

We woke up some time later to a dark pink sky. The rain had finally stopped and turned to snow. Falling with great genteelness each snow flak stacked gently upon one another covering everthing it touched with a white blanket. Wiping the slumber from our eyes I got up and an went to the kitchen to make us both a cup of tea to keep the cold at bay. While the water was warming I started a fire to warm the room that had no grown rather cold.

With a roaring fire going and a hot cup of tea, the room was also filled with music. The open chords filled the quite room as record player began to play Abbey Road. We enjoyed our hot tea as we have sat there listening to music enjoying the moment. I took up my sketch paid and pencil and began sketching the most amazing girl in the world. There was no need in telling a story as a story was already unfolding before me. I couldn’t be happier that in one room I could have the world and so much more. The more time passed the more time seemed to stay still. We had no where to be and nowhere we would rather be. As I continued to draw she wrote in her journal.

The music added to the ambience greatly. Some of the simpler songs came across as so much more in a time when nothing need to be said. The song “I want you, she’s so heavy” came on with it’s surreal heavy sound, hitting me with the full weight of the album and the moment. Finally the song came to an end, only to give way to George Harrison’s song “Here comes the sun.” Closing my eyes for a moment taking a break from my piece of art work. I knew I already had all the sunshine in my life. Nothing in the world made me happier then waking up each morning next to my sunshine. With the albums iconic ending we both decided to go to bed spite it being the early morning hours.

As we turned out the lights and turned down the fire we moved into the bedroom and climbed in and under the covers of our bed. At this moment we didn’t need to say anything as we already knew what the other was thinking. Laying there I pulled her close and held her in my arms. Gazing into one another eyes. I played with her hair and gently caressed her face and in no time she was fast asleep. To me this was poetry without words lived and known only in ones heart, felt and had in the briefest of moments.

The late morning hours were upon us before we were already awaking. Waking first I saw her open her eyes along with a grin grow across her face as she lend over and gave me a kiss. The longer we looked into each others eyes the more the more there was to see and know. Throwing the covers back we took our shower and began the day. Fresh and ready to start the day got ready to make the short walk down to our favorite cafe.

Dressed in my pea coat and warm dress cloths, french cuffs, vest with my wool tie, along my gopher britches. Dressed in a wool skirt, with warm leggings she was also wearing a similar jacket, with a cute little hat letting her hair fall out. Setting out into the cold winter day without a care in the world we were off to brunch pastries and coffee and tea. Cafe Stalingrad was the cafe that we first meet one another and now it’s a place that we went to share that moment over and over.

The trees had been frosted and the ever greens were covered in a think blanket of snow leaving behind and untouched winter wonderland. Ones breath loomed in the air long after the breath had been taken. The world was silent with the sound absorbing the sounds of the world gave the feeling that the world was ours and ours alone.

In the lifeless arctic world a moment of time elapsed where the snow stopped and the sun broke through the gray sky. Not to melt the snow away, but just brighten everything. Time in that instant stopped, the trees shined as if they were painted in a white silver. Without warning my world came to a stop when I turned to find the love of my life standing there crying. The tears could be seen running down her cheeks shinning in the light, some had already frozen before ever hitting the ground. I grabbed her by the hands and before I could say anything she poured her heart out to me in three words. “I love you”

I put my hands around her and said, I know that. I have always know that you have been so amazing and good to me. Everyday with you is a gift one that I cherish. Each day I get to live out my greatest dream of being happy.

As I said this she buried her face into my chest grabbing hold of me tightly crying. Not tears of sorry but tears of joy. In her heart she knew that everything she believed to be true, was true. She asked, where do we go from here. I told her to look behind her, and as she did I told her that the foot prints are where we have been, before us there are no foot prints. May we go where ever we want as long as you are by my side I don’t care where we end up.

Life and the play we are are staging.

I have used the metaphor to describe my life as being a book and that this stage in my life is but only a chapter to a much longer novel to a series of books. In reality, I journal all the time. Often I will finish one journal and start another and other times I will simply start a new one because I wished to start a new chapter in my life. I believe the narrative that best describes life is two interwoven ideas that become one and the same. There is a specific ballad when it comes to thinking about life in the same way I do as life being a journal. That balled is Chopan’s Ballad 1 opus 23 in G minor. The balled, much like a story with its beginning middle, climax end. The ballad’s intro comes back several times in different keys not to mention that at various times the key signature changes as it transitions through the various movements of the pieces. How often our life come back to us to inspire or hold us back? How often does our life speed up or slow down? There are parts in the song where the adagio pulls at our heartstrings just like life playing out in its meaningful moments with a slight dramatic change that would go unnoticed but stands at center stage in our world. Life plays out on this grand stage we call reality, and in it, we perform our greatest piece. Each day an actor to our own play that is penned as we live it. We forget that our lives are not one action Like the music we must flow into the next movement of what awaits us. When the last note is played and the curtain falls we are left without the ballad and any more acts, what then will be said of our life then. Will the play and the ballad that came to mean so much be preserved and remembered. Will people wish to hear it’s the melodic tune, and will people wish to carry the story on by preforming it on their own stages far and wide. The stage remains ready and the keys lay waiting.

Have you ever gone into a museume and wondered if what I look upon is in act the original piece of art or some imitation, some fake? Is all the museums theatrics there just to convince me that this is the original, that this is the monet I have heard so much of? I do all the time. In life today with everything going on it’s hard to tell what is true and what is fake. Anyone who remembers not long ago will remeber the debouchla of fake news and sponsored media. Recently life seems to have become an Orwellian nightmare where we are feed a scruot of fer, doubt as if it’s been scripted to further someones agenda. I call this the Goebboles paradox.

In these chatoic times I know as an artist that photos, and film can be edited, staged and scripted. I know that hired actors can act out a narrative. In these times of uncertainty I am reminded of what I know to be true. To me there is nothing more truth then the quotes that echo from history from the iconic revolutionary, Che Guevara.

The true revolutionary is guided by a great feeling of love. It is impossible to think of a genuine revolutionary lacking this quality. Che

In this time I focus on the things I know to be true and real. I know I want to live and I want to love. I want to go one dreaming and making art. More then anything I want to go on sharing these qualities to share in the magic of life as to run with a passion and sincarity never felt or know before. These uncertain times have left me to look inward to take the time to know thyself. In the before time so many of us took our life and time for granted, thinking there would always be a tomorrow, that we could we could put off today for tomorrow. Now I want to put myself out there and not just acknowledge live to live it like I have never know before. I do, I live by my two mottos. Believe in me and my dreams and tell me yours so that I might do the same for you. And, “Artists of the world unite.” As artists may we combine to create an idea that is bigger than anyone individual that allows us all to take something from it and grow, to be inspired and to know we are all more alike then we are different.

At the end of the Movie “Ghost in the Shell” Major wakes in a new shell, that of a child. We learn that it’s the only one that Batou could find on the black Market. Many people will agree that this is the rebirth, as Major put’s it “I am now neither the women known as major nor am I the program know as puppet master.” The movie closes as she asks out loud, where does the new born go from here. The net is vast and infinite.

When we take on a new way of thinking and a new way of being, where then do we begin and what do we start.

The opportunity to meditate on life’s lessons

Lately, I have been afforded more time then I have in a very, very long time. Or at least time to reflect on myself and my place in life, and I have to admit it’s been amazing. I have opined many wonderful thoughts and ideas along with discovering a new sense of being. I can think of one other time where I was afforded this much time for thought and growth but squandered it away as my mind was focused and centered on whimsical ideas about life and relationships.

The fact that we get so caught up in life in what people think of us or where we should be let alone how we constantly judge us for the mistakes that we have made. When I think back of how hard I tried to fit in with the in-crowd or be apart of someone’s life who didn’t have time for me let alone themselves I think how much idle time I wasted. I would be lying if I said I didn’t have regrets because the truth is I do, and there are times I sit and reflect upon them. I think back when I should have really buckled down and doubled down on myself but instead, I left to join in, the moment and the happenings with the people of the times.

The thing that makes me reflect upon those moments most is that while I keep with the moment I would later watch others go on and accomplish things I envied and wish that I would have done. As I looked around me I found a bunch of people around me who didn’t do anything or be apart of anything. No, illustrating my wows, is not an attempt at gaining sympathy, but one should know from where they are starting from in order to know the direction in which they are going in. If you don’t know where you’re going then your simply sailing a ship with full sails out into the middle of nowhere, to go nowhere.

Yes with each graduating class I measured myself against them. That reality really hit home when some of the people I looked up to most put their heart and soul into things and now their life reflects their reality, they are in fact their art and craft. As much as I judged myself I began to look around me and with the company I keep I justified my situation. I continued to disillusion myself with the idea that I was doing something, I was going somewhere because I was traveling the world and making art. In the end, I was returning back to the middle of nowhere, and I truly mean the middle of nowhere.

The middle of nowhere was a place that was just that, that middle of nowhere. A place where you lost yourself and lost yourself to the vices of mankind. If you were already lost it was even easier to lose yourself in nowhere. Again I also think back to the ideas that I laid forth earlier in other posts, the excuses I had made.

Then everything changed as my thoughts started to go through my new philosophy and a new way of thinking. I reminded myself of the things and ideas that are most important to me and put everything into perspective. Almost like dropping emotional baggage, I simply dropped everything and realized that my new life was happening around me, and it was now up to me to step up and accept that reality and run with it. In a moment of peace and happiness the George Harrison song “Within you, without you.” Within that one song is a lot of enlightenment and almost came to me as a message as if to say, you got this, you can change things, and you can still be everything you hope to be and so much more.

“We were talking, about the space between us all
And the people, who hide themselves behind a wall of illusion
Never glimpse the truth, then it's far too late when they pass away We were talking, about the love we all could share
When we find it, to try our best to hold it there, with our love
With our love we could save the world, if they only knewTry to realize it's all within yourself, no-one else can make you change
And to see you're really only very small
And life flows on within you and without you, We were talking, about the love that's gone so cold
And the people who gain the world and lose their soul
They don't know, they can't see, are you one of them? When you've seen beyond yourself
Then you may find peace of mind is waiting there
And the time will come when you see we're all one
And life flows on within you and without you”

George Harrison

Few people realize that life flows on with you and with out you. That the old saying is true, life is what happens to you while your busy making other plans. In the moment we lose sight of our lives and forget that while we are the main star to our own story that we are still just a background charter to other stories. We can live a life without ever living a life, and that changing our life is really up to us. As I take in the lyrics and surreal sound to the music I look around as if I can see my life manifesting; I just had to open my eyes and see the world though a new lenses, a new perspective.

When I fell I knew that I would be back on top of the world better then ever, ready to take on the world and set sail for a new voyage. March 4th came the good news that I would be setting sail, the extract day I had put into the universe. Though this manifestation would not have been possible had it not been for the people who also believed in me. Now that I see the foundation of my dreams become reality I move forward with great ambition and caution as to not make the same mistakes that I once did.